I’m exhausted. I’ve been exhausted for some time now. I feel like my body is falling apart. I’m only 31 but I feel bad more days than good. I feel physically unwell. For over a year, I had dealt with chronic pain in my hip and just sheer exhaustion. A lot of nights I found myself unable to sleep because of this intense deep bone ache in my arms and legs. I began missing a lot of work. It caused a lot of issues for me in my relationship and in my work life…. But those days, I just couldn’t do it.
I went to the doctor, I was told to do yoga. 8 months later, after unbearable pain, I went to the ER and they found a large tumor in my pelvis. They said it was a giant cell tumor and I had it removed. I am now 7 weeks post op… thinking I’d feel better but I don’t.
Slowly the terrible bone pains I was experiencing at night have crept back. It’s miserable. Nothing I take seems to help it unless it’s a very strong OTC pain reliever. I am tired all the time. I feel like I get sick all the time. I’m playing in bed with fever, cough, and a tight achey chest tonight. Legs aching.
And I just don’t understand. I used to have so much life and energy and over the last two years, I don’t even recognize myself. I’m supposed to return to work this Monday for the first time since February and the thought of it makes me quite literally wish I was just dead. I’m tired walking around for twenty minutes. Let alone being there for 9 hours.
I keep trying to tell people how badly I feel but it doesn’t seem to help.
At this point, I’m having a lot of bad thoughts and feeling really alone and hopeless with this. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe there’s nothing else wrong with me at all. Idk. I really don’t know anymore.
I’m just tired of feeling so ran down all the time and feeling like no one cares or maybe even believes me.
All I know is, I can’t go on like this. Something has to give. I don’t even know what I’m asking or looking for with this post. I think I just needed to get it off my chest. I am at the end of my rope.