u/Enough_Diamond_9476

Hello everybody. I'm 43F and living like night owl all my life. My mom said when I was a baby I didn't want to sleep at night. In school early years I did sleep a little bit at night, but in my high school I was not sleeping anymore. I was awake all night, if lucky I would get 1-2 hours of sleep. But not everynight. I got bome from school, went to sleep a little but when sun went down I was up. I'm also chronically ill and I was born like that. Now I'm retired. I have fatigue too, along with other health issues. I started to resent me being a night owl so much. There are pro's of course. But I get up let's say 15-16h in the afternoon. When I put myself together I can only run one errand, let's say go shopping or for a visit. Then it's night time. I try to bake if my health allows, read, play with dog, watch TV or scrolling. Or I clean, cook lunch for the next day. But everybody is asleep. I'm all alone and I have to be at home. If I would wake up at let's say 9 am I would have so much more life. I would run an errand, rest and go out again. But I can't change who I am. I'm alive and feeling the best at night. I guess this is just a little rant.

Today my transplant doctor called if I would help a patient waiting for transplant. In my early years post transplant I wanted to help people and I did. I talked to them for hours, told them everything and more. But the first time I set a boundary because it was too much people got offended. They wanted to see me in person, asked a lot of too personal questions, expected for me to be there all the time etc. It was very hard for me to take all the responsibility for such a hard decision like transplant for other people. You have to be carefull what you say. And the other thing is I have a lot of issues post transplant. I'm not someone that climbs mountains or go to work or lives the life I imagined post tx. So I can tell them what?

After I helped people in the past I decided I don't want to do that anymore. And I don't like when doctors ask us to do that. It's not our responsibility to help other people just because we received a transplant.

My scar has healed, but a little area was not healed the best. I only removed the bandage today. Everywhere I read and was told to massage the scar. Even nurse said I could start today. So I did. Later on I decided to change my pants and noticed a little bright red blood. I know it's from massage. I put a band aid on it. I'm a little worried about infection or something?

I'm 22 days post total hip replacement. Happy to say I feel fine. I can walk at home by myself, but I'm still limping a little. I tried to get back to light housework. I have no idea how to be on crutches and do anything. My surgeon said I should use crutches for 8 weeks, than I get to see him. The crutches are annoying me, because I can walk faster without them and I can't carry anything in my hands if I'm using them. I don't want to compromise my recovery.