u/EnigmaticEarthling

I (F) met a guy on the first day of tennis class and a few months later of slow but consistent contact, we have now become friends. Even though I stopped attending classes, we’ve still hung out a few times— not tennis-related, but only in group settings (him meeting my friends).

I have a huge crush on him and want to get to know him even more, but I’m scared it would be… deceptive of me to keep hanging out with him if 1) I’m physically attracted to him, and 2) I think we are compatible in terms of values but want to keep improving the friendship first as a foundation and also seeing if we could work as a couple. Meanwhile he has no idea that I feel anything beyond platonic friendship (and as far as I can tell, he only views me as a friend).

I have my own weird hesitations about opposite sex friendships. I get nervous that a straight male is friends with me for ulterior motives, that they are secretly into me and hoping we could have sex. I just don’t feel super safe in those friendships; I don’t want them catching feelings for me or staying friends but hoping for more, etc— especially when it’s not reciprocated.

But now I almost feel like the roles are reversed and I don’t know what to do. This is the first time I’ve met someone irl that I am physically attracted to. I genuinely love this guy’s company as a friend and our values are aligned. I do feel safe with him but I think it’s because I AM attracted so if he is attracted to me (I can’t tell), it wouldn’t bother me.

He has dropped some hints about having avoidant tendencies and not being able to be vulnerable in our convos, which makes me unsure if he would even be compatible relationship-wise.

That’s why I don’t know if I should tell him I’m attracted to him or wait and see (get to know him more as a friend/person) if it’s worth telling him. I definitely don’t want to impact the friendship (like if there’s no change in outcome, there’s no point in telling him), but I also don’t want to act in bad faith. I would hate to be the person that he trusts as a friend and feels safe with, and then when he finds out I’m actually interested in him beyond platonic friends and he feels deceived since it’s not mutual. Is that something guys even feel?

Should I shoot my shot? Wait and see?