I don’t know why I am writing this, maybe because I need to put my energy somewhere, or maybe because I need to step back and look at my situation from a different perspective.
I haven’t been rejected, not by her at least, my friend and her best friend’s boyfriend told me, I know for a fact it’s not a trick.
It’s not even true rejection, she said I was nice, but not boyfriend material, and I’ve come to terms with that, she said it loud and clear, and I want to salvage the “nice” she sees in me, so I won’t keep pushing.
In the past few days I have felt a rollercoaster of emotions I have cried, I have felt hatred for myself similar only to the worst moments of my life. Now I have reached a sort of somber sadness, where I understand that this relationship could’ve never been possible, but I still would give anything to make it happen, thinking of her doesn’t make me feel angry or sad, strangely, her image in my head calms me, like she is the only true thing in a world of lies, it gives me something to work towards, a goal, even though it’s an impossible one.
I’m gonna post this not to get attention or upvotes or whatever, but to take out how I have been feeling out of my mind and to get some advice, even though I’m probably not gonna follow it