Looking for some outside perspectives. He states I am overreacting, I feel devastated.
Saw over my partners shoulder in bed that he has been messaging a younger colleague (F25) on Instagram over the past six weeks. He has not mentioned her existence to me in the entire time they have worked together, nor that they have been messaging. He says it’s just friendly chatting because he has been to the same yoga studio as her once. He refused to show me their messages initially and, after a big row, left to go to a hotel. He sent me the screenshots of their discussion the following day.
I can’t figure out how to upload the screenshots, but direct quotes include:
- them talking about their shifts: her: “I will be on shift with you then yay” - his reply “ooh I thought I would be off those days, that makes me happy”
- him: “it was sweet of you to stay with me after work (for the protein bar) / her: “oh of course, anything for the protein bar”
- him: “I’ll be sad not to see you at work anymore” / her: “I know :( I’m happy to leave but sad to leave the people there”
- him: “I hope I’ll see you soon even though you’re leaving”
- they plan to arrange going to yoga together. He sends her three pictures of her rota, lots of smiley face emojis
- he talks about his family visit and implies that he gave them a tour of the city and got them back to the bus station alone. I was with him. I took the week off work to be with them. He then says he did “life admin” - we went for brunch. He sends her photos of the blossoms in the park - he doesn’t mention I was with him.
- she tells him that she has passed her driving test, to which he replies - “maybe someday I’ll get to ride along with you haha”
She has now left the job.
He is saying that I am reading too much in to these messages. But I feel like he is trying to establish an emotional connection with a younger woman and arranging to meet her at yoga - when I am sat am home feeling very unwell, at 30-weeks pregnant.
We had a five month break previously after discussions about having children, and I found out that he was on a dating app at the end of our relationship. He also had a similar (what felt like an emotional affair) relationship with a woman at his work, which caused repeated issues for us. He promised it would not happen again. He promised me no messaging other women, but he states this is not the same, as she is a colleague. he doesn’t mention me once in six weeks in the messages, but states that everyone at work is aware that we are having a baby.
I feel betrayed and heartbroken. He says this is an overreaction and he wasn’t trying to pursue anything. I don’t know what to do or how to cope with a baby on my own. We don’t have family nearby.