Hi /r/fantasywriters, long time listener, first time nervous writer who hasn't shared his writing with anyone before.
I've been playing around with this book idea for a couple years and have recently started to really commit some time to the project. It's been an immensely satisfying experience and a wonderful creative outlet for a guy who rarely has the chance to exercise those muscles.
But I'm also rubbish at evaluating if what I'm doing is something that anyone else might enjoy, so I'd greatly appreciate any feedback (be mean if it warrants it, please!).
I'm far too close to my writing to be able to evaluate it with anything approaching objectivity and the idea of sharing with anyone in my real life makes my stomach do a fun new twisty thing I didn't realise it was capable of.
The linked is an interlude from a character that will appear throughout the book, an imperceptible wanderer with a personal connection to one of the protagonists who is helping them with their goals without them knowing. This is her introductory part.
It's a story that is deeply political and colonial, very low fantasy vibes aside from the sensationalists, who are people that have such vivid imaginations that they can conjure lifelike illusions into the minds of those around them. Different sensationalists have different senses that they can manipulate, which plays heavily into the plot of deception and assassination. However the POV character in this interlude is the opposite, she has aphantasia which in this setting makes one utterly imperceptible.
I guess the main thing I'm looking for feedback on would be if this reads like a "real" book. Does it flow? Does it entertain? Would you read more? I'm a total amateur so if there's anything structural that I'm screwing up, I'd love to hear it.
I've written about 20k more words that I'd like to share more of with someone, but I felt like this excerpt was one of the more polished and standalone sections that would be great to get a read on.
A huge thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it, let alone comment. And of course, thank you to this community in general for being such a fascinating and insightful source of advice.