Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective on a situation involving one of my bridesmaids. I’m a bride with a multi day wedding (3 events).
I’ve been best friends with this bridesmaid since around 2010, so over a decade now. We’ve always considered each other best friends, and I’ve consistently shown up for them over the years. But looking back, I’m starting to question whether the effort has really been mutual.
Even in earlier years, I noticed I was usually the one taking on more—hosting, covering costs, organizing things. They wouldn’t really contribute much, especially financially, and communication has always been inconsistent unless they needed something from me.
Things got more complicated around their sibling’s wedding. They used to vent to me for hours about this sibling, and then once they became close again, I felt like I was slowly pushed out. During the wedding events, I was only invited to a few functions despite, while others seemed involved in everything. The sibling made all her friends a bridesmaid and invited all their s/o but I was not one (which is understandable) but they disinvited by my fiance of 11 years to the wedding due to “space” even though one girl brought her boyfriend of 3 months. I did not attend the wedding ceremony that my fiance was disinvited to as it was disrespectful. At the siblings bridal event (I’ve known the sibling for just as long), I brought a VERY thoughtful gift and stayed behind to help clean up, but was repeatedly encouraged to leave while cleaning up. I later found out there was a smaller after-party with others that I wasn’t included in, which didn’t feel great.
Anyways fast forward to my friend’s wedding this past year, she was also very distant for months, saying she were overwhelmed with planning and can’t speak. I tried to be understanding, but now that I’m planning my own wedding, I can see it’s still possible to maintain basic communication with people you care about.
I also went out of my way to support them for their wedding. I do floral work, and I created all their arrangements. The actual value would have been around $2000, but I only charged $375 to cover costs. Even then, they told me they were going to look around to see if they could find someone cheaper, which honestly felt a bit hurtful given our relationship.
Their wedding had multiple events, and again, I wasn’t fully included in everything - I woke up to see all the bridesmaids (I was one of them) wearing matching outfits and taking pictures with her. Toward the middle, I ended up getting really sick and had to go to the hospital, so I missed the rest of the events. I apologized, but things felt off after that. I tried my best to communicate with her but I genuinely was physically ill. Yes the floral arrangements were still prepared and given to her in advance (which btw I just got a thank you with a heart lol)
After their wedding, communication dropped off again. They invited me to a later celebration (like a housewarming/birthday-type event), but we hadn’t really spoken properly in months, so I didn’t feel comfortable going and made an excuse.
I asked her if she could come to my bachelorette, she told me “she doesn’t want to spend a lot of money on a vacation” so she wouldn’t be coming. Which I understand but I have friends who just finished school that are coming and putting in an effort so it felt rude (more the way she said it than the reason).
Now fast forward to my wedding—I asked them to be a bridesmaid, partly because they had included me in theirs. Initially, they were responsive, but over the past month they’ve basically stopped replying. I’ve tried coordinating things like dropping off their bridesmaid box and dress (which I already got based on their measurements that they happily provided), but they haven’t responded. I’ve even seen them in person and didn’t get acknowledged.
At this point, I genuinely don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if they plan on showing up to my wedding. I’m trying to figure out if I should reach out and directly ask what’s going on, quietly remove them from the bridal party, or just let things play out.
I also can’t tell if I’m overlooking something I may have done wrong, or if this is just a pattern I didn’t fully see before.
Would you keep someone like this as a bridesmaid? Or even in your life at this point?
Any advice would really help. Thanks for reading.