Last night I (f29) had a feeling to look at my boyfriend’s iPad because he has a history of lying about things like texting girls or meeting girls at a bar, and it’s been a year since I looked. We’ve been together for almost two years. I saw screen recordings of him sexting onlyfans models, giving and receiving explicit videos, and idolizing them telling them how beautiful they are. Ofc this crushed me. I talked to him about it, starting the conversation asking is there anything I’m not doing enough of or not at all? I keep it pretty sexy but maybe I could be doing more. I send him videos or pics on occasion and he tells me I don’t have to do that. But I told him what I saw and he became very mad at me, told me I betrayed his trust by going through his iPad. That I’m deeply insecure and he can’t help me through that. That he doesn’t care or give a fuck how I feel about finding it, that things would have been fine between us if I didn’t snoop. He said he was done with me and said I hope you’re happy. He took all his stuff and left.
Several months ago I asked him if he watched porn or had an onlyfans and he said no he’s a grown man and has a girlfriend so he doesn’t need it. I told him how happy I was because those things make me uncomfortable. He even asked me to stop using my vibrator, saying it’ll make our sex life much better if we hold out our orgasms for when we see each other (which was every two/three weeks, he lives an hour away).
Anyway, I don’t know how to get over this. I loved him so deeply and I really thought things were going well between us. We spoke about marriage and kids often and he always told me he loved me. I feel guilt for looking through his iPad but at the same time I would have never known what was going on. I don’t know what to do.
Can someone tell me how to move on from this?
TLDR; bf (30m) is active on onlyfans after lying, saying he doesn’t watch that type of stuff. Broke up with me (29f) for looking through his iPad and breaching trust