TW: I STOP MEDICATION. HELP. JUST NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE
I was diagnosed at 18 after suspecting it since 16. I’ve been on meds since I was 12, but a year ago I went cold turkey. I convinced myself I didn’t need them and that they were the problem. I just wanted a normal life.
Withdrawal was brutal—uncontrollable crying and physical pain. I pushed through bc I thought being "clean" would fix me. I also quit bc I couldn't access proper therapy where I live. I thought "I can handle this" and just stopped everything.
Now, I’m dysregulating badly. A month ago, I had a physical panic attack so intense I thought I was dying. My chest felt crushed and I was suffocating. The physical pain was 100% real.
Today, I fought w/ my boyfriend. He said if he’d met me at my worst, he wouldn’t have dated me. It hurt. Later I napped and had a nightmare of him insulting me. I woke up in a cold sweat, spiraling again. I used to ignore these symptoms bc I was so desperate to believe I was """"cured.""""
I need help. I need to talk to someone who gets it. I can't go back to my old doctor who just overmedicated me. My episodes feel different now—no obvious mania, just days without sleep and getting fixated on stressful things. I'm so overstimulated I feel physically sick.
Social media is a huge trigger. My brain feels like crossed wires and I’m scared. I can’t distinguish episodes anymore. Is this the disorder? Am I delusional? Am I doing this to myself?
My final exam is Wednesday and the stress is destroying me. Please help.