This is how it is for me as a girlfriend with bipolar
Overthinking
I spent my weekend with my bf, he comes and stays over. He is a great guy. But he doesn’t believe in bipolar disorder. I have sent him some videos to help him understand me better but I still feel like he doesn’t take it as seriously or as real as it is.
I had a friend that asked me to not talk about it because it wasn’t good when I first got my diagnosis. I just feel like I surround myself with people that I shouldn’t. On the other hand I do have friends that understand it or at least try to. They know that I’m a good friend that of course goes through a lot.
This weekend I have felt this wrenching feeling in my stomach because I tend to over analyze my bf emotions, expression, words and overthink. I also over analyze myself a lot and I tell myself to not do that, because what I think it’s not real but then it’s like what if what I am thinking, not all of it just some of it, it’s real.
He left at a few hours ago but I wasn’t feeling so good emotionally of course, and it’s not him it’s me thinking about things, but also thinking of him. Me over analyzing the way he is with me, like the way he doesn’t really do as much eye contact with me, or the way that I spent my day doing chores and cooking and he was just playing all night, all morning, all afternoon.
Questioning myself as to why I invited him to the movies just so I could spend some time with him or how after waking up at 12pm because I had a nutritionist appointment and seeing him go to sleep and went to sleep again with him just to feel closer but I was feeling weird. I don’t know how to feel this past week about life, about my surroundings, about my decisions, about my past/future.
It’s a lot. I’m tired. I feel like I hurt him, with how much I change, my lows and highs, I can’t even recognize myself most the time, and I wonder if he has a hard time recognizing me sometimes? I question if he really loves me, whilst he is telling I’m all he’s ever wanted. But I just feel numb after hearing that. I don’t really know how to react to love while mourning for it.