(TW) My partner (49m) of 6 years is done with me (26f). He cant handle my mood swings or my depressive states. I feel so completely lost. I’ve been trying to change, I’ve gone to multiple doctors, tried multiple medicines. Was looking for another therapist. I’m really scared I will never feel okay. My sadness will always be too much. He told me he was messaging other girls because I go cold on him for 2 weeks and then I’m bleeding that 3rd week. Like trust me I would SO MUCH RATHER BE HORNY THAN SUICIDAL. It probably also doesn’t help that I had an abortion in December. I feel like an idiot. I miss being intimate and close with him but him talking (sexting) with other women is a huge turn off and I don’t think we can come back from it. He’s my best friend but it feels like we’re strangers. He wants a break from me so I have to fly home and idk what is gonna happen. I want to disappear into thin air, I want nothing more than to not exist because I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of being happy. I’m permanently broken. My life has revolved around this man for almost 6 years, and apparently I’ve been “depressed for 3-4 of those years”. I just wish he would’ve done it earlier. If I didn’t have my parents and younger sister, I could so easily just end it but I don’t want to hurt them. I’m so fucking embarrassed and guilty and ashamed. I’m praying an asteroid just wipes us all out, the dinosaurs didn’t deserve it but our world and society does.
edit: can we please not make this an age thing, I don’t want to get into that discourse. I’m losing my best friend and just needed to vent, I’ll be okay eventually but I’m so completely devastated rn I feel sick.
edit 2: so glad i shared this only to be shamed and feel worse! thanks!!!!!!!