u/ElectronicAbrocoma81

I’m trying to understand if what I experience could be a form of aromanticism, or if it’s more related to trauma and attachment issues. I’d really appreciate honest input — I’m not looking for comfort, just clarity.

Here’s what happens: when I enter a relationship, the feelings start strong. I want to be with the person, I feel attraction, I genuinely hope it will last. Around the 5–6 month mark, something shifts. The novelty fades, and my interest starts to drop. It’s not just “less excitement” — it feels like a collapse. Physical attraction disappears too, even if the person is objectively good-looking. After a while, I feel nothing. Not sadness, not anger — just emptiness. I don’t want to be with them anymore, and it feels like they’ve become a stranger. I can barely remember what it felt like to want them. When the relationship ends, I recover very quickly — especially if there’s someone new to think about. And yes, I’ve noticed that I tend to switch my attention to another person before the old relationship is fully over. I had one long-term crush that lasted for years, but they didn’t want to be with me. My feelings only faded in actual, mutual relationships.

What confuses me is that I want long-term love. I’m not happy with short-lived passion. I don’t relate to most aromantic experiences where people simply don’t feel romantic attraction — I do feel it, strongly. It just doesn’t last. I also have a traumatic backstory: my first partner broke my heart in a drawn-out, painful way after I had already lost feelings for him. Since then, I’ve been terrified of repeating that dynamic.

So the question is:

Does this sound like being on the aromantic spectrum, or is this more likely a trauma-based pattern with addiction to novelty and avoidance of real intimacy?

And if it’s not exactly aromanticism — what would you call this?

I’m trying to understand if what I experience could be a form of aromanticism, or if it’s more related to trauma and attachment issues. I’d really appreciate honest input — I’m not looking for comfort, just clarity.

Here’s what happens: when I enter a relationship, the feelings start strong. I want to be with the person, I feel attraction, I genuinely hope it will last. Around the 5–6 month mark, something shifts. The novelty fades, and my interest starts to drop. It’s not just “less excitement” — it feels like a collapse. Physical attraction disappears too, even if the person is objectively good-looking. After a while, I feel nothing. Not sadness, not anger — just emptiness. I don’t want to be with them anymore, and it feels like they’ve become a stranger. I can barely remember what it felt like to want them. When the relationship ends, I recover very quickly — especially if there’s someone new to think about. And yes, I’ve noticed that I tend to switch my attention to another person before the old relationship is fully over. I had one long-term crush that lasted for years, but they didn’t want to be with me. My feelings only faded in actual, mutual relationships.

What confuses me is that I want long-term love. I’m not happy with short-lived passion. I don’t relate to most aromantic experiences where people simply don’t feel romantic attraction — I do feel it, strongly. It just doesn’t last. I also have a traumatic backstory: my first partner broke my heart in a drawn-out, painful way after I had already lost feelings for him. Since then, I’ve been terrified of repeating that dynamic.

So the question is:

Does this sound like being on the aromantic spectrum, or is this more likely a trauma-based pattern with addiction to novelty and avoidance of real intimacy?

And if it’s not exactly aromanticism — what would you call this?