i hate the way i feel about everything
for some background information, my parents divorced when i was very little, and between both my parents i have moved homes 11 times. they both still get along well but i can tell it’s just an act to make me feel good.
over the past 4 years, my mom has been basically unemployed, while my dad has been increasingly successful in regards to his career (compared to in 2020 where he lost almost everything) so in 2023 up until 2025, for my first two years of high school, we moved to marbella, spain. we were previously in DC. in the summer of 2025, we moved to great falls, VA, which is one of the wealthiest suburbs in all of virginia. i say this because i am an extremely envious person. the past 4 years, i have been surrounded by all these rich kids with perfect families who hand them everything. their lives are already set out for them. on the other hand, my parents are divorced, my dad travels for work so sometimes im home alone all weekend, my mom comes sometimes when hes gone but i can tell its not comfortable for her. everything just feels empty. i feel like i should be feeling more grateful than i am for my situation and the opportunities that i have been given, but something just feels like it’s missing. i’ve never been happy for anyone. i cant celebrate others achievements. if my friend has something i want, instead of congratulating them my heart wants me to tear them down. i’m always jealous of someone else. it’s just getting very tiring and i feel like my life hasn’t been stable. after my parents divorced, my mom remarried and divorced two more times. i have had people in and out of my life, and in and out of my so-called home. i am just so very jealous of all these kids that surround me that have never had to worry about anything like this. i don’t even feel like i belong or deserve to live where i live, because im nothing like them. nobody knows me. i have extreme impulse control and anger issues, i have punched holes in my walls. i’m just tired and don’t know what to do anymore. the envy is overwhelming, and no place has ever felt like home.