u/Electrical_Tip892

Hello reddit, I'm posting anonymously to get some much needed advice about my relationship with my MIL. Its a long one sorry!

My husband (27 M) and I (26 F) have been together for the last 7 years, just recently getting married in October!

His mother and I have never seen eye to eye. We had a fun easy going relationship for a few months at begining of our relationship. Until I had disagreed her opinion of videos games being bad, I had thought it was a conversation (both of us seemed calm just disagreeing) but she was extremely upset after, even telling my husband (boyfriend at the time) to leave me. I quickly apologized and resolved it to the best of my ability. Since that incident we have had multiple more incidents over the last 7 years. One year my husband and I nearly ended our 4 year relationship at Christmas, originally we had planned on splitting it, but she begged for him to come to both days of their celebration instead of just the one. I still attended his event but refused to go to the second. His mom glared at me and told everyone that would listen about how I was taking her son away and asking why I was mean enough to do that. I went to my family event alone having to explain why he didnt attend last minute, it was very embarrassing to say he was with his family instead of mine.

I thought it would change once we were married and like they say "marriage doesn't change anything"

Recently we were hanging out the 3 of us and she has recently been harsh to my husband recently calling him the f slur. I dont know where it had come from but she had been saying it more always catching us off guard. When we were hanging out we were showing her old pics and in one my husband wore a shirt that had previously triggered her saying this word. I decided I didnt want to hear it. So in a joking tone I said, "oookay no slurs now," handing her the phone. I should have chose different words I suppose but I just really didn't want to hear that hateful word. The conversation then turned into how this generation and I in particular are so sensitive and Im a baby. Later she brought up a Tim McGraw song she loves, this  song has some unkind representation and sexualization of Indigenous american women. I am a Indigenous woman. I feel like she was looking to get a reaction out of me as she already knows how I feel, unfortunately I obliged eagerly. I explained that, that song was extremely controversial and I saw it as offensive to my people and community. She then again went on a tangent of how I am a too sensitive and I would have never survived back in her day. I decided I wouldn't react anymore as I felt I was only feeding her.

The next day my husband came home telling me how upset and hurt his mother was and how she was crying. Now I am a very uncompromising person on my morals and values, I told him I would only apologizes for upsetting her, but I would not revoke either of my statements. Which I did, as well as invited her to a lunch on me so that we might be able to move forward and establish boundaries for the both of us, and hopefully move forward with love. She agreed, but requested to have it at her house. I agreed and felt immense releif as I have tried to have  reached out before multiple times and we still have never had that conversation.  When we went over I was prepared for the conversation it was replaced with yard work she needed done, which I did with no complaints. Again it was swept under the rug and I won't lie I allowed it as I find her incredibly intimidating.

Recently we were at a family event, there was about 8 of us outside talking having a great time. At the time the topic of trans identity came up, she said her usual offensive, politically incorrect opinion. I decided to try to ignore her. A cousin brought up a common question about the trans community, a question I felt I could answer and provide context. As I took a breath to begin my answer she erupted yelling, "Oh we know your offended," "Don't get offended," "I know your upset" and many more in similar context. This went on until only she was speaking and everyone was looking at me. Today I was embarrassed was a complete understatement. Once she was done I tried to explain that I wasn't upset, which everyone around us reaffirmed. She continued to talk over me until I eventually tossed my hands up and gave up. I interacted with everyone the rest of the day normally, but as soon as my husband and I were in the car I completely broke down in tears.

It's been 7 years and I have reached out multiple times to speak and try to move forward. I have apologized multiple multiple times and I have only had one insincere apology from her.

My husband said her heard me and he was so sorry she treated me that way. We spoke about it and told him that we need to start thinking of a solution because this isn't just hurting me its hurting her as well. He agreed and we would come back soon with a plan.

The next day I decided that until she is willing to reach out to me for a conversation and gives me the same respect she asks for I will be going no contact. This is something we had talked about many times before, and was not decided flippantly. I can confidently say that I am a very kind, empathetic person at my core. I know that she has chaos in her life too, but I dont deserve to feel like this constantly.

I would like to say that my husband is extremely nurturing, kind, loving, and selfless, our relationship thrives when there are no issues with his mom. When I presented the idea of not contact to my husband I told him that my priority is us, and if he was uncomfortable with it I am willing to hear another solution, and pause the no contact.

I told him because he wasn't willing to defend me as he does her I was going to defend myself. He said he did defend me often in private. I asked if his mom knew that I was upset and was very sad about what happened. He said no. I explained to him that if the roles were reversed I would have already been told by him and I would have apologized, he didnt really have a rebuttal and agreed.

We agreed that I would reach out one more time to attempt to establish how this relationship would continue kindly. If it isn't addressed then I will go no contact.

I thought about it more and now feel I dont want to do that. I'vebeen triing for 7 years and am just tired. If she wants to talk she can reach out. And if my husband wants it to be fixed he needs to speak with his mom.

Please any advice on how to navigate this with either my MIL or husband is very welcomed, I am at my wits end and open to nearly anything.

Hello reddit, I'm posting anonymously to get some much needed advice about my relationship with my MIL. Its a long one sorry!

My husband (27 M) and I (26 F) have been together for the last 7 years, just recently getting married in October!

His mother and I have never seen eye to eye. We had a fun easy going relationship for a few months at begining of our relationship. Until I had disagreed her opinion of videos games being bad, I had thought it was a conversation (both of us seemed calm just disagreeing) but she was extremely upset after, even telling my husband (boyfriend at the time) to leave me. I quickly apologized and resolved it to the best of my ability. Since that incident we have had multiple more incidents over the last 7 years. One year my husband and I nearly ended our 4 year relationship at Christmas, originally we had planned on splitting it, but she begged for him to come to both days of their celebration instead of just the one. I still attended his event but refused to go to the second. His mom glared at me and told everyone that would listen about how I was taking her son away and asking why I was mean enough to do that. I went to my family event alone having to explain why he didnt attend last minute, it was very embarrassing to say he was with his family instead of mine.

I thought it would change once we were married and like they say "marriage doesn't change anything"

Recently we were hanging out the 3 of us and she has recently been harsh to my husband recently calling him the f slur. I dont know where it had come from but she had been saying it more always catching us off guard. When we were hanging out we were showing her old pics and in one my husband wore a shirt that had previously triggered her saying this word. I decided I didnt want to hear it. So in a joking tone I said, "oookay no slurs now," handing her the phone. I should have chose different words I suppose but I just really didn't want to hear that hateful word. The conversation then turned into how this generation and I in particular are so sensitive and Im a baby. Later she brought up a Tim McGraw song she loves, this  song has some unkind representation and sexualization of Indigenous american women. I am a Indigenous woman. I feel like she was looking to get a reaction out of me as she already knows how I feel, unfortunately I obliged eagerly. I explained that, that song was extremely controversial and I saw it as offensive to my people and community. She then again went on a tangent of how I am a too sensitive and I would have never survived back in her day. I decided I wouldn't react anymore as I felt I was only feeding her.

The next day my husband came home telling me how upset and hurt his mother was and how she was crying. Now I am a very uncompromising person on my morals and values, I told him I would only apologizes for upsetting her, but I would not revoke either of my statements. Which I did, as well as invited her to a lunch on me so that we might be able to move forward and establish boundaries for the both of us, and hopefully move forward with love. She agreed, but requested to have it at her house. I agreed and felt immense releif as I have tried to have  reached out before multiple times and we still have never had that conversation.  When we went over I was prepared for the conversation it was replaced with yard work she needed done, which I did with no complaints. Again it was swept under the rug and I won't lie I allowed it as I find her incredibly intimidating.

Recently we were at a family event, there was about 8 of us outside talking having a great time. At the time the topic of trans identity came up, she said her usual offensive, politically incorrect opinion. I decided to try to ignore her. A cousin brought up a common question about the trans community, a question I felt I could answer and provide context. As I took a breath to begin my answer she erupted yelling, "Oh we know your offended," "Don't get offended," "I know your upset" and many more in similar context. This went on until only she was speaking and everyone was looking at me. Today I was embarrassed was a complete understatement. Once she was done I tried to explain that I wasn't upset, which everyone around us reaffirmed. She continued to talk over me until I eventually tossed my hands up and gave up. I interacted with everyone the rest of the day normally, but as soon as my husband and I were in the car I completely broke down in tears.

It's been 7 years and I have reached out multiple times to speak and try to move forward. I have apologized multiple multiple times and I have only had one insincere apology from her.

My husband said her heard me and he was so sorry she treated me that way. We spoke about it and told him that we need to start thinking of a solution because this isn't just hurting me its hurting her as well. He agreed and we would come back soon with a plan.

The next day I decided that until she is willing to reach out to me for a conversation and gives me the same respect she asks for I will be going no contact. This is something we had talked about many times before, and was not decided flippantly. I can confidently say that I am a very kind, empathetic person at my core. I know that she has chaos in her life too, but I dont deserve to feel like this constantly.

I would like to say that my husband is extremely nurturing, kind, loving, and selfless, our relationship thrives when there are no issues with his mom. When I presented the idea of not contact to my husband I told him that my priority is us, and if he was uncomfortable with it I am willing to hear another solution, and pause the no contact.

I told him because he wasn't willing to defend me as he does her I was going to defend myself. He said he did defend me often in private. I asked if his mom knew that I was upset and was very sad about what happened. He said no. I explained to him that if the roles were reversed I would have already been told by him and I would have apologized, he didnt really have a rebuttal and agreed.

We agreed that I would reach out one more time to attempt to establish how this relationship would continue kindly. If it isn't addressed then I will go no contact.

I thought about it more and now feel I dont want to do that. I'vebeen triing for 7 years and am just tired. If she wants to talk she can reach out. And if my husband wants it to be fixed he needs to speak with his mom.

Please any advice on how to navigate this with either my MIL or husband is very welcomed, I am at my wits end and open to nearly anything.

Hello reddit, I'm posting anonymously to get some much needed advice about my relationship with my MIL. Its a long one sorry!

My husband (27 M) and I (26 F) have been together for the last 7 years, just recently getting married in October!

His mother and I have never seen eye to eye. We had a fun easy going relationship for a few months at begining of our relationship. Until I had disagreed her opinion of videos games being bad, I had thought it was a conversation (both of us seemed calm just disagreeing) but she was extremely upset after, even telling my husband (boyfriend at the time) to leave me. I quickly apologized and resolved it to the best of my ability. Since that incident we have had multiple more incidents over the last 7 years. One year my husband and I nearly ended our 4 year relationship at Christmas, originally we had planned on splitting it, but she begged for him to come to both days of their celebration instead of just the one. I still attended his event but refused to go to the second. His mom glared at me and told everyone that would listen about how I was taking her son away and asking why I was mean enough to do that. I went to my family event alone having to explain why he didnt attend last minute, it was very embarrassing to say he was with his family instead of mine.

I thought it would change once we were married and like they say "marriage doesn't change anything"

Recently we were hanging out the 3 of us and she has recently been harsh to my husband recently calling him the f slur. I dont know where it had come from but she had been saying it more always catching us off guard. When we were hanging out we were showing her old pics and in one my husband wore a shirt that had previously triggered her saying this word. I decided I didnt want to hear it. So in a joking tone I said, "oookay no slurs now," handing her the phone. I should have chose different words I suppose but I just really didn't want to hear that hateful word. The conversation then turned into how this generation and I in particular are so sensitive and Im a baby. Later she brought up a Tim McGraw song she loves, this  song has some unkind representation and sexualization of Indigenous american women. I am a Indigenous woman. I feel like she was looking to get a reaction out of me as she already knows how I feel, unfortunately I obliged eagerly. I explained that, that song was extremely controversial and I saw it as offensive to my people and community. She then again went on a tangent of how I am a too sensitive and I would have never survived back in her day. I decided I wouldn't react anymore as I felt I was only feeding her.

The next day my husband came home telling me how upset and hurt his mother was and how she was crying. Now I am a very uncompromising person on my morals and values, I told him I would only apologizes for upsetting her, but I would not revoke either of my statements. Which I did, as well as invited her to a lunch on me so that we might be able to move forward and establish boundaries for the both of us, and hopefully move forward with love. She agreed, but requested to have it at her house. I agreed and felt immense releif as I have tried to have  reached out before multiple times and we still have never had that conversation.  When we went over I was prepared for the conversation it was replaced with yard work she needed done, which I did with no complaints. Again it was swept under the rug and I won't lie I allowed it as I find her incredibly intimidating.

Recently we were at a family event, there was about 8 of us outside talking having a great time. At the time the topic of trans identity came up, she said her usual offensive, politically incorrect opinion. I decided to try to ignore her. A cousin brought up a common question about the trans community, a question I felt I could answer and provide context. As I took a breath to begin my answer she erupted yelling, "Oh we know your offended," "Don't get offended," "I know your upset" and many more in similar context. This went on until only she was speaking and everyone was looking at me. Today I was embarrassed was a complete understatement. Once she was done I tried to explain that I wasn't upset, which everyone around us reaffirmed. She continued to talk over me until I eventually tossed my hands up and gave up. I interacted with everyone the rest of the day normally, but as soon as my husband and I were in the car I completely broke down in tears.

It's been 7 years and I have reached out multiple times to speak and try to move forward. I have apologized multiple multiple times and I have only had one insincere apology from her.

My husband said her heard me and he was so sorry she treated me that way. We spoke about it and told him that we need to start thinking of a solution because this isn't just hurting me its hurting her as well. He agreed and we would come back soon with a plan.

The next day I decided that until she is willing to reach out to me for a conversation and gives me the same respect she asks for I will be going no contact. This is something we had talked about many times before, and was not decided flippantly. I can confidently say that I am a very kind, empathetic person at my core. I know that she has chaos in her life too, but I dont deserve to feel like this constantly.

I would like to say that my husband is extremely nurturing, kind, loving, and selfless, our relationship thrives when there are no issues with his mom. When I presented the idea of not contact to my husband I told him that my priority is us, and if he was uncomfortable with it I am willing to hear another solution, and pause the no contact.

I told him because he wasn't willing to defend me as he does her I was going to defend myself. He said he did defend me often in private. I asked if his mom knew that I was upset and was very sad about what happened. He said no. I explained to him that if the roles were reversed I would have already been told by him and I would have apologized, he didnt really have a rebuttal and agreed.

We agreed that I would reach out one more time to attempt to establish how this relationship would continue kindly. If it isn't addressed then I will go no contact.

I thought about it more and now feel I dont want to do that. I'vebeen triing for 7 years and am just tired. If she wants to talk she can reach out. And if my husband wants it to be fixed he needs to speak with his mom.

Please any advice on how to navigate this with either my MIL or husband is very welcomed, I am at my wits end and open to nearly anything.