u/Electrical_Ad_6509 — reddlx

throwaway cos this is embarrassing as fuck i dont even know why im posting this but im proper desperate and scared
im 34 and still living at home i dropped out in year 7 cos i was getting bullied bad for being the fat kid everyday shit like names getting pushed about i just couldnt handle it no more stopped going in and that was it really mum tried but i refused and they gave up no gcses or nothing
instead i just stayed in my room playing games all day started with stuff like half life counter strike crash bandicoot tony hawk and that then when call of duty came out it took over my life mw2 especially i got really good at trickshotting quickscoping and all that made montages and put them on youtube round 2010 2012 time got up to over 100k subs at one point was actually earning decent money for a bit couple grand a month from ads and bits people sent me felt like i made it had people knowing my gamertag and that
but it all went to shit stopped uploading regular the scene died down lost views money dried up and i just carried on doing nothing now im 34 with no education no job history nothing
dad died a few years back from cancer mums proper ill now and theyre putting her in full time care shes got barely any money left after paying for everything house is gonna get sorted by the council or whatever and ill have nowhere to go no other family at all never had a girlfriend or even been with a girl just me
havent had real friends in like 10 plus years used to have online ones from gaming but even theyve gone quiet my days are wake up shower play games by myself scroll on my phone eat sleep thats it i know im a loser and i hate myself for it but i just cant be arsed to do anything tried sending like 5 10 cvs for basic jobs and heard fuck all back even if i got one i dont see how id manage talking to people all day dealing with customers sounds like hell and for what shit pay just to barely survive feels pointless
i dont know how to change im scared of being homeless can anyone give me real advice or am i just fucked
sorry if this is all over the place