I need help from fellow OSDD systems to really understand what I am going through, and maybe get some answers out of this because google doesn’t tell me what’s wrong with me.
Can someone please tell me if I could possibly be under the umbrella? And if not what type of dissociation is this?
Explain:
I maladaptive day dream, which is by itself dissociative, but it’s gotten to the point where I don’t recognize who I am anymore, and I act out these “day dreams” in real life without doing it on purpose.
I have two fathers that visit my house but nobody can see them. I can.
And I am a completely different person when interacting with them. IRL I have brown hair, freckles, brown eyes etc but when I dissociate into my dreams I look like a skinny blond boy with blue eyes.
Sometimes if not most of the time I forget that i actually don’t look like that and that my parents aren’t real. And then I go into an identity crisis and start freaking out. I feel
Like I AM the boy I am dreaming myself to be. I am HIM every single day. I am never my actual self, I am always that skinny blonde boy? I am not a kid with brown hair or brown eyes, with no fathers. I am a skinny blonde boy with gay dads and that’s my identity…its MY IDENTITY at this point
I am trapped between reality and my dreams.