I'm a Christian, and have been addicted to porn since before I was saved. There was a time shortly before I was baptized that I truly felt The Lord take my addiction away. One moment it was there, the next it wasn't. And for 3 months, I felt truly at peace and happy with myself (which was rare before and even now). But due to my own failings and sin, I relapsed. And I have been in the throes of it ever since.
Every day it's like my thoughts are on a circular railroad track. Going over and over that it's wrong and I shouldn't, and here's XYZ why!. But still, I do it, again and again. It's the worst. To be so convinced something is true, and to believe in it, but still fail it, over and over. It can trick you into thinking you don't know yourself or even that it's okay every now and then. But it isn't, it never ever is.
Even so, I need to keep going and take it one day at a time. Those three months showed me what it feels like to be close with God, and I want that back more than anything.