TL;DR Local police detective says they can't charge my deceased mother's boyfriend for debit/credit card fraud and identity theft because he didn't confess when they interviewed him and they can't prove she didn't give him permission to use the cards. Should I report him to someone else or is it a losing battle?
My mom died at home early in the morning back in October 2025. It was sudden and unexpected. She lived in her own home in NC, her boyfriend "Fred" lived with her. They had been in some kind of relationship for 25+ years. Thankfully, common-law marriage is not a thing in NC. Fred and my mom did not have any shared bank accounts or property, she was adamant about that. He was not a dependent on her taxes. He is on SSI disability, for what I don't know.
She had always supported the two of them. She'd work insane hours while he'd lay on his ass watching TV all day and buying booze. She bought every piece of furniture, every appliance, EVERYTHING in that house. I knew he was lazy and a mooch, but my mom didn't seem to mind.
My mom began her relationship with Fred when I was a teenager. I didn't know him well at all, he had never made any effort to have a relationship with me. He didn't help raise me and he wasn't around. Ever. The day I was notified by police of my mother's death, I had a gut feeling I needed to find out more about him. I found that he has an extensive criminal record, including ~2 years incarceration for felony fraud less than a decade ago. He also had several DWI arrests. I don't know how much my mom knew.
My first ever conversation with Fred was a few days after my mother passed. He inquired about my mom's will and life insurance. She had neither. He was clearly disappointed he wasn't going to get a payout. I asked if he could ship my mom's wallet to me. He claimed he hadn't seen it and had no idea where it was. I knew he was lying. Over the next several weeks he would call me 2 more times asking about money.
As part of my estate administrator duties, I went to my mother's bank to close her accounts. When I saw her statement, it was obvious that Fred had used her debit cart for 30+ transactions, both in-person and online. The account balance had been over $2,000 when she died and it was -$1 the day I received the statements. The bank started their investigation and found everything to be fraudulent. I eventually got the funds back.
I reported everything to the police and sent them copies of the bank statements. They began an investigation in February. Since the initial report I also found fraudulent charges on her credit accounts. I had a text exchange with my mom's best friend, who told me that Fred had done this to my mom years before. He emptied her bank account of around $6,000 and also ran up her credit cards, causing her lots of legal trouble. She never told me this. He also was using her mobile phone to access her email and social media accounts. He made a post on her Facebook as her, listing things for sale from her property.
I shared all of that information with the police officer I had been in contact with, and I also reported Fred to Adult Protective Services for financial abuse of my mom. APS replied back that they don't open cases for people who are no longer living.
In addition to stealing her money and running up her credit cards, Fred also has refused to get out of her house, and he purposely kept all of the utilities in her name so he can avoid paying them. I have one utility bill in my mother's name for over $1,400. The company said they can't put the bill in his name unless he tells them to, which he isn't going to do. I can't disconnect utilities because it is considered a "DIY Eviction" and is against the law. They recommended I report it to the NC Utilities Commission. I did.
There is an eviction hearing this week. Fred hasn't paid any rent (or anything at all) since October. My lawyer intends to bring up the criminal activity at the house. I spoke the the detective yesterday to get an update and he told me they aren't charging Fred. They interviewed him, and he denied everything. They said the DA can't prove that he didn't have my mom's permission to use her cards. I was so disappointed I seriously thought I was going to start crying on the phone. The detective told me that he understood and if it was his mother he'd be upset too, but there's nothing they can do about it.
It is seriously bothering me that this lying piece of sh*t criminal is getting away with everything. He has cost me thousands in attorney's fees. I did my part and reported everything to police, but he's getting off without any charges. The one thing that has been holding me together over months of dealing with this man was knowing that he was going to go to prison.
What else can I do? Report it to the FBI? The SBI? Someone else? Or do I just accept that he won and move on with my life? I feel so defeated.