19 weeks unplanned pregnancy - feeling no joy or excitement
Hello everyone,
I am 19 weeks pregnant, it was unplanned but my partner and I chose to keep the baby. Originally when finding out I was pregnant I wanted to get an abortion then after thinking, I thought it would be great because we were planning to get married anyways. We have been dating for one year now.
We did not get to have a "proper" wedding, instead we signed the papers with close family and friends, which I did not want to do, because it does not feel like a joyous moment, if that makes sense.
I gave my notice at work, am planning to move to another state for my husband, he lives in CA and I live in Arizona. But I do not feel joy. I feel that I lost my freedom, that I am now "stuck" with him, and I'm excited for a baby but not about my husband.
I have always wanted to be a mother, have a child, but when I think about this baby in me, I am excited but then I think about the future with my husband and I do not feel attracted to him. Instead, I feel annoyed and could go days without interacting with him. I am to find out the gender next week and I am excited but then I think about my husband, and all I think is "god he is annoying".
I feel that he is the "right" choice, but to me he is boring and I feel displeased when thinking about having to see him every day, spending the rest of my life with him seems very off-putting.
I am thinking about getting an abortion and then work on the relationship or just get a divorce. Is it my pregnancy brain that is making me feel this way? Mind you, I do not feel anxiety, grief or fear when I think about raising a baby, the feelings are towards him, not the baby.
To those that got a procedural abortion, did you regret anything?
Did anyone else feel like their husband was annoying throughout pregnancy?