I’ve been a trans man for about 4 years now. Recently, my dysphoria has been really bad, and it doesn’t help that my parents are cis and don’t understand it. I’ve been wearing my binder for about 9 hours a day, every day, for the past four months (yes, I know, its not great for me) and it has caused some issues with breathing, especially because being broke, means I can afford things like trans tape or new binders. However, marching band is back for parade season, and I nearly passed out from about an hour of marching around the track. I feel like I’m running out of options, because the insurance I’m on doesn’t cover gender affirming care, and I’m too broke to afford T or top surgery. I need some advice, because I’ve tried wearing sports bras, and I just can’t get over how I look in them (I’m a C cup). I got on anti depressants about 5 months ago after about a year and a half of depression so bad, I could barely get out of bed or get through the day. My parents don’t have any understanding of these things, and I’m often told that I’m over exaggerating and I just need to push myself to get through the days. All I can think about though, is how I know that if I keep pushing myself this hard, I’m going to end up right where I was before. Sitting on the bathroom floor with a razor blade. I’m out of options and don’t know what to do anymore. It doesn’t help me that I’ve been consistently bullied, and harassed for the past decade of my life, in a way that caused an eating disorder and serious mental health issues that lead to months of suicidal thoughts.
In summary, I’m scared that if I keep pushing myself harder to try and get over these things, I’ll end up right where I started.