Is it even worth it ??
After the results came out, I just realised that I won't be able to clear the indore cutoff at all, because my score in VA is low and in QA it is double of the cutoff, but that's a different thing, not the topic. For the past 1.5 years, i sacrificed my well being(both mental and physical) and had to let go of 3 hobbies that I loved a lot just so I could focus on this. At the same time because of the classes I had to bail out on various plan( not all) and it also affected my relationship with the ones I care about in ways that one can notice. Looking back, I am questioning whether it was even worth it. I knew what I was getting into when I was preparing for this exam, but what hurts more is that everyone believed in me and now I am not going to be able even clear the damn cutoff. My peers, teachers, family and friends, everyone believes in me, told me that if someone could do it then it is me( and that was not just to hype up or anything, it was genuine). Now it feels as if I have betrayed their faith in me. And I started questioning my life choices, what I gave up and the result was not even satisfactory rather far from it. What hurts even more is that out there there is a person that will get it , through reservation or luck, and for that person it doesn't even matter much. And I am not imagining this, it happened last year with a senior, the guy did nothing but timepass the whole year, fyi he was way rich, but the guy had some reservation certificate so he got the call and I think he even got the admission but didn't go cuz of family reasons. This angers me and hurts at the same time. So now after ipmat rohtak,for the past 2 days I have been doing nothing but hanging out with friends cuz I dont feel like studying for the bmsat or cuet. There is a guilt somewhere in me for not studying and wasting away but there is also part that feels too damn broken. I need advice or suggestion or whatever you would like to call it that would help me get back on track or just open my eyes or some shit.