u/Effective_Ad4082

(Cross posting because I have nothing else to help me)

I’ve been emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually drained for so long. I’m just out of any hope or faith for anything. I try my best but it’s all worthless to god

All I could ever ask for is intimacy.

I had just a little bit of hope last night. I mustered up some and asked him if it’s possible that god could be intimate with me tonight. That somehow I could feel that he actually cares and like actually wants me to be happy and that he could be there with me tonight.

If not intimacy then something that I could be happy he was there.

But he just shrugged it off. He let it fall to the ground and stomped it out. Now I’m empty again. It’s like he’s trying to get me to give up for good.

(I’m talking about God not a husband. I understand how confusing it is. Im sorry. Im just not at ok at the moment. In my head it seemed clear enough.)

(Rant)

I have a lot to say but I don’t think it would matter. I have no one to talk to. I’ve never been more tired and depressed when thinking about God but nowadays it’s all I’ve ever gotten. Tired and Depressed.

Talking to God is like talking to a brick wall. I extremely dislike myself. I desire intimacy and God withholds it. I’ve tried a lot for so long and now I’ve been running on empty.

I’m tired. I feel horrible for treating God like I have but if I continue to keep going any further as empty as I’ve been for this long, I’ll do something I’ll regret.