Emotional Attachment Issues.
So over the last 5-6 months ish I had been talking to a girl who is really sweet and I thought she was cute and didn’t really know I was actually attracted to her until the first time we hung out, just something about her presence and beliefs I had this ridiculous thought that maybe she’s the one like she somehow just landed in my lap, not gonna get into it too much but a lot of emotions from my past surfaced quickly and I caught onto old patterns I had with my ex because of my emotional attachment habits i’ve developed especially since that relationship and I found myself completely abandoning myself and just essentially letting my wounds bleed all over the friendship we are both quite open with each other and I feel like I got to comfortable with that too quick, fast forward a bit and within the last week or two she explained why she got so distant and it’s because she never caught onto the fact that I liked her until her friends that I had met pointed it out and she told me she doesn’t want to be friends with someone who likes her and ever since hearing that I just feel like the whole dynamic is messed up.
Maybe it’s just me letting my emotions get in the way as I do cuz she even said it’s fine and if i’m cool she’s cool, it’s just a slew of emotions part of me wants to just ditch the whole friendship and go ghost and part of me is scared to lose it all while I feel this emotional pressure of my past and the doubt and self hate creeping in and just feeling like a fuck up I guess I know it’s not true but ig a part of me is still holding onto that suffering…
Anyone recommend and methods to detach from that suffering? at this point i’m really ready to let go this has been one hell of a lesson and i’ve been confronted with a lot that I can’t unsee about myself, spent so much time alone it has made me realize i’ve just been living a heavily avoidant lifestyle half assing my meditation for a good year now.