My husband (30M) and I (34F) have been married for about 9 months. We started dating in 2024 and had been friends for a few years prior to that. From the start, he knew I loved cats, and I knew he did as well. That was one of the first things I found attractive about him. When we had first decided to start dating, I already had two cats that I had adopted from a local rescue. He was really excited about meeting them and getting to know them. When I moved in with him, they obviously came along, and he was able to start bonding with them more. Then a few months later, he decided that he wanted to adopt a third, so we did. That was about a year ago.
The issue is that all three cats gravitate towards me, even the one that he technically adopted himself. Whenever we're both home, the three of them tend to hang around me, lay on my lap, etc. With him, they're friendly but only to an extent most of the time. He gets jealous and has literally told me that it hurts his feelings to see them all "flock" to me whereas he has to try to earn their love and affection. And he told me that, whenever he's home and I'm not, none of them go around him. He's tried feeding and playing with them more, but ultimately they end up choosing me 9 times out of 10 when they have the option.
For a little background, my husband had a very, very rough childhood and life in general. He was physically and verbally abused by his mother for many years, was bullied and threatened in school, got involved with the street life for a while, was cheated on and used by his exes, has virtually no relationship with anyone in his family, etc. So I understand why seeing the cats "choose" me over him can be hurtful. He said he feels like he always has to beg to be loved or appreciated and this situation with the cats isn't helping. He points out that all I have to do is "exist" and they're all over me, whereas he has to try all kinds of things to get attention from them.
What it's come down to is that he basically wants to end the marriage because he said it isn't fair for him to feel neglected in his own home. He said that witnessing all three of them "pick" me most of the time hurts and stings. He said he does everything that I do with and for them and yet they don't care about him as much. Without him coming out and actually saying it, I know he wants me to suggest surrendering the cats, but he knows I'm totally against that. They're happy, they're healthy, they're loving, they're sweet. It would be so cruel to surrender them. So now I feel like I'm being forced to choose between them and my husband. I told him that, when you adopt an animal, you make a lifelong commitment. He countered that by saying marriage is a lifetime commitment too, which I also agree with. This whole situation is just awful. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I could do? Or has anyone been in a similar situation before?