Separated with a newborn: he demands 50/50 expenses but I’m the only one doing childcare
Hi everyone, I have a question about how to properly split finances in a situation like ours. We've been married for 9 years.
A month ago, I '29F' gave birth to our baby. However, two weeks later my husband '33M' and I had a very serious argument, and we are now in the process of separating and living in different rooms.
I am currently on maternity leave, and for the first six months I also receive a top-up from my employer. After that, I will only have maternity benefits, which are about 55% of my usual salary. My husband works a full-time official job and also takes extra side jobs where he gets paid in cash. I am the one taking care of our baby 24/7. Since our conflict, he has not been involved in childcare at all and hasn’t helped even once.
Now we are trying to figure out how to split expenses, and he is suggesting a 50/50 split on everything. The issue is that my income is already lower than his base salary (not even counting his extra cash income). I wouldn’t be able to save anything at all. And once my maternity leave drops to 55% of my salary, I simply won’t be able to afford paying 50% of all expenses.
When I said that a 50/50 split doesn’t work for me, and that I would prefer a proportional split based on income, he said that his side income doesn’t concern me and is “his personal money” that he earns for himself. He works from morning until late evening, so I assume he currently earns quite a lot overall.
Maybe someone has been in a similar situation and can give advice—what is actually fair in this case? Is a 50/50 split really fair? Because from my perspective, if expenses are split 50/50, then childcare should also be split 50/50. But right now I am the only one taking care of the baby. He says that my “job” is to stay at home with the baby and that the government is paying me for that. I would really appreciate any advice or perspectives.