My girlfriend (25f) and I (25mtf) have been together for nearly 3 years, long distance relationship. At first we were somewhat sexually active. We'd make jokes, comments, did sexy talk online, and irl we'd occasionally try stuff out. For either of us though it was our first time, and me being trans (barely into my transition back then) i was just not confident and unsure as to how I'd like her to touch me back. She tried once to touch my breasts but when i said i didnt feel anything she stopped and never tried again. Meanwhile i tried my best to touch her however she desired and made her cum multiple times but she never thought it wad enough either so we were always left sad and frustrated by the end of these experiences. We talked at the time and its because she felt like sex was just about cumming (we also didnt do any foreplay which I've learned really suck for me specifically) and nothing else and so we set expectations straight but we havent done anything sexual since, and that was 2,5 years ago, 6 months into our relationship being official.
Not long after she said i should start considering her low libido, then she started thinking maybe she's asexual, her mental health went down (unrelated to anything her and I did but definitely had an impact on the situation i believe), and i tried to be a supportive as possible. I was sad our experiences had sucked as much as they did and I do feel like that plus her declining mental health was a big part of why she felt low libido suddenly, but it is also true that even now she doesn't seem to care for sex at all. But even besides sex we've never made out either so to me the intimacy in general is lacking.
Besides that i don't think our distance helped either. She lives near Berlin and I in the Netherlands so its a doable distance but not a trip we can make very frequently. First because she had work and I had my study and no income, and now because I have work and she barely has any income. Explaining that part because it could very well play a part
All this to say I've realized more and more how hard this is for me. I love her to death and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she's genuinely just amazing, but this core need of mine isnt being met and its affecting me quite a lot. I'm trying to talk to her about it but naturally I also wouldn't want to make her feel forced to do anything she doesn't want to do and im just fearing she and I are incompatible, despite what the first year of knowing her had shown me... Its really hard and idk how to handle it. Any advice appreciated.