Critique] Duskborne - Grimdark Sci-Fi/Cosmic Horror (8079 words)
The world is a graveyard of "Prototypes"—mechanical beings built to save humanity that ended up witnessing its fall. The story follows a hunter known as the Duskborne, who is haunted by a voice in his head that knows too much about the future.
As he navigates a landscape of mindless "Hollows" and desperate "Hustlers," he becomes a pawn in a grand chess match between two versions of the same being:
One driven by Pure Ambition to restart the sun at any cost.
One driven by Pure Regret, having watched the world loop and fail a thousand times.
Genuine feedback
This is my first ever story (about 8,000 words), and it took about 2 weeks to put together. I’m looking for feedback on: 8079 words is a dump of lore.
At the last sentences I got tired of writing so it has more informal language to it. The story is not fully complete some characters name yet to be decided and it is little messy.
Link
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ICF125vE9aHtA\_hUkkAVGsP2Xwvx\_\_o8KY51BKF4cck/edit?usp=drivesdk