I’m diagnosed as bipolar 2, GAD, and PTSD, I’m on meds, they stopped working.
I’m so tired. I’m genuinely so tired and fucking upset. I can’t seem to go to work on time, I can’t seem to study, I can’t seem to fucking do anything right. I just keep fucking up and it’s never ending.
I’m always doing this thing of getting better then worse and it’s not even just me it’s my fucking life.
I just want to graduate. I really want to graduate. I have classes required for me to pass to take the higher level courses to graduate but it’s just never ending.
I’m so tired.
My roommate has had two suicidal episodes this semester where she explicitly tells me things that send me fucking spiraling. I thought I was going to be homeless next semester (it’s worked out) but that had me spiraling. I had the worst suicidal episode of my life this semester and it’s never ending. Plus mixed episodes!
I also found out either my father or mother probably did something to my sister which she proceeded to do to me as a child. So that was a very nice fucking awakening while living in their basement.
I just can’t anymore. Why is it like this? I swear to god, for me, the most exhausting part of being alive is existing. The push and pull between manic and depressive is so exhausting because I have such irrational belief in myself to realizing I’ve ruined my life.
I’m tired of feeling never ending extremes and confusion. Because that’s what’s really hard, is I can’t understand myself, and I can’t tell when I’m swinging sometimes until it’s already over and I have to clean up after myself.