u/Dull_Drawer_6500

So I’ve been dating this woman and we had instant chemistry from the start. She works in safeguarding, cares deeply about people, has done loads of solo travel, and our values/life outlook felt really aligned. For the first few weeks it was great — mutual effort, seeing each other consistently, really good connection.

After about 3 weeks she invited me to a gig where some of her friends would also be. I brought one of my friends because she was organising the event and I assumed she’d be busy most of the night anyway. In hindsight maybe it was a bit early for a proper “meet the friends” thing, but I genuinely didn’t think it was a big deal.

At the gig she completely flipped and said we’d never work because I was rude, didn’t want to meet her friends, and had embarrassed her. We’d all been drinking and it got messy fast. Afterwards she basically said “we’re not right for each other” and that once her mind is made up, that’s it.

A few days later we met up and agreed to keep things casual and take the pressure off. Looking back, we probably got too intense too quickly — talking about kids, weddings, childhood trauma, all the deep stuff within weeks. But even removing the emotion, we are objectively very aligned in values and lifestyle.

We saw each other again after that, but honestly I felt on edge because of how suddenly she switched at the gig. The trust felt shaken for me. Then she told me she needs time to be single, wants a month to herself, is starting therapy, but asked if we could stay in touch afterwards.

I do think therapy is a good idea because the reaction at the gig felt disproportionate and it seems like she has a lot going on emotionally.

So my question is: do I take “we’re not right for each other” at face value and move on, or see what happens after some space? Because objectively there isn’t actually some huge incompatibility here beyond her possibly judging me negatively at the gig and deciding I was being inconsiderate/drunk.

I’ve been dating this woman and we had instant chemistry from the start. She works in safeguarding, cares deeply about people, has done loads of solo travel, and our values/life outlook felt really aligned. For the first few weeks it was great — mutual effort, seeing each other consistently, really good connection.

After about 3 weeks she invited me to an event where some of her friends would also be. I brought one of my friends because she was organising the event and I assumed she’d be busy most of the night anyway. In hindsight maybe it was a bit early for a proper “meet the friends” thing, but I genuinely didn’t think it was a big deal.

At the event, she completely flipped and said we’d never work because I was rude, didn’t want to meet her friends and had embarrassed her. We’d all been drinking and it got messy fast. She basically said “we’re not right for each other” and that once her mind is made up, that’s it.

A few days later we met up and agreed to keep things casual and take the pressure off. She apologised for reacting like that but stuck by her decision that we aren’t quite right but we are really close. Looking back, we probably got too intense too quickly — talking about kids, weddings, childhood trauma, all the deep stuff within weeks. But even removing the emotion, we are objectively very aligned in values and lifestyle. I’ve been dating for 3 years and was with my ex for 3 and I’ve never met someone so similar and aligned to what I care about.

We saw each other again after that, but honestly I felt on edge because of how suddenly she switched at the gig. The trust felt shaken for me. Then she told me she needs time to be single, wants a month to herself, is starting therapy, but asked if we could stay in touch afterwards.

I do think therapy is a good idea because the reaction at the gig felt disproportionate and it seems like she has a lot going on emotionally.

So my question is: do I take “we’re not right for each other” at face value and move on, or see what happens after some space? Because objectively there isn’t actually some huge incompatibility here beyond her possibly judging me negatively at the gig and deciding I was being inconsiderate/drunk.

TL;DR:
Great chemistry and aligned values, but after a few intense weeks she abruptly flipped on me at a gig because she thought I was rude about meeting her friends. We tried to reset things casually, but now she says she needs a month alone and is starting therapy, while wanting to stay in touch after. Unsure whether to believe “we’re not right for each other” and move on, or give it space and revisit later.