u/Dull-Cook-4268

Right after work I ask if she still wants to run errands or go another day this week
She says no I’m too tired
I say okay awesome I’m exhausted myself I had a tiring day at work (blue collar)

Fast forward she soon realizes she has an obligation to go somewhere that she confirmed she would go with her friend.
She asks me to come along but says it’s okay if you don’t want to- lie

I say I’d really rather not because I’m exhausted like we talked about and I just want to clean around the house and chill
She gets immediate attitude and says no that’s fine, then please will you come, then so and so’s boyfriend would come

All the while I’m keeping my cool and apologizing but standing firm in my decision

I then start cleaning around the house and we have an awkward goodbye when she leaves because I don’t feel respected and she’s really upset at me

She’s gone for a while, I finish cleaning the house then decide I just want to go for a quick drive before showering and getting ready for bed, so I do

She’s gone for like 4.5 hours til almost 10pm then gets home when I’m in bed and walks in the house angry once again.

She starts grilling me on why I left the house when I said I was too tired to do anything.
-come to find out our neighbor asked her where I went (boundaries?) and she was like oh I don’t know he told me he was too tired to leave the house tonight

I tell her I went for a quick drive to the beach just cause I wanted to which should be okay

Then she keeps her attitude and is like well this doesn’t feel good I wanted to talk when I got home (at 10pm), instead you’re in bed.

Then she says, I’m going to smoke now because I’m feeling lonely and if you had been down here to talk I wouldn’t have to do this

So I respond, I am not the reason you’re smoking again right now after one day of quitting that’s so not fair to blame me for your actions

So yeah this is currently my life, normally I do everything for this woman at the drop of a hat but the moments I put myself first I get these kinds of interactions for it.

We’ve lived together for about a year and a half. Her depression started shortly after we moved in together, but it’s gotten much worse in the past 3 months.

I try every day to be supportive of her and do everything for her but I’m starting to feel like this will never end and she’s dragging me down with her.

The entirety of us living together I’ve done 99% of cooking and cleaning around the house. I also work twice as much as her while keeping the house in order.
I take her out on dates when she’s feeling up to it. I buy her flowers and treats and weed. I massage her. I hype her up to try and help her feel good about herself.
I listen to her struggles, validate her feelings, and give positive energy. I’m patient when she has trouble emotional regulating or lashes out at me.
I communicate often and tell her I know she’s doing her best. I encourage her to spend time with friends and to try therapy again. I do all that I can and nothing changes.

Before we moved in together, we used to have sex often and it was so passionate and so much fun. Now she barely touches me anymore and doesn’t want to be touched.

I’m so tired of it all.

What’s really holding me back from leaving (aside from the fact I still love her) is being financially stuck. If I had somewhere else to go or could find an affordable place I’d pull the trigger on it. Although I would be happy waiting longer if she could just show me some affection sometimes, not even sexually. But she doesn’t or can’t and I don’t want this to be my life.

I suppose I could just barely afford an apartment, but then I’d be living paycheck to paycheck for a long time.

Will things get better eventually or should I really start over from square one on my own?