I dated an incel and it left me traumatized
Around 2019 I got exposed to incel culture and lingo. I started feeling bad for these people. When I decided to have sex I went on Tinder and found a guy. Looking back, I should’ve swiped left because he was hiding his face, the photo was blurry and obviously taken years before. I just wanted to get the thing over with so I invited him anyway.
He gets there and he looks nothing like his photos. He’s fat, smelly and a different race. He was super insecure and talking to him was like pulling teeth. He was also weirdly competitive and admonished me for being in college as a woman. I had never interacted with this type of person before so chalked it up to differences in background. At some point he starts pushing me to have sex and I tell him I change my mind but he enters me anyway.
He has a very small penis but sex with him was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Because of his size he liked it when I was bone dry. This was painful so I’d scream which he liked. After a while my body would lubricate itself and he’d tell me to stop it and try to wipe my vagina dry.
He was also posting other women on Snapchat with big butts and would make comments about my lack of a butt. It was so bizarre because I might’ve cared if I liked the guy but it didn’t phase me at all. I told him to stop posting it (because these women didn’t even know him) and after a week he’d do the same thing. After talking to my friends they told me that I shouldn’t sleep with someone because I feel sorry for them. I tried breaking up with him several times and he would go on a sob story about his insecurities.
There’s a lot more nonsense that happened but he was sociopathic. He pushed an old lady walking in front of us, withheld food from a cat knowing another person wouldn’t be home for several more days, broke, and selfish. He invited me out on a date and when we got there he shows me his account with $0.00. I paid for his meal and it really pissed me off. That same day he tells me his mom is getting dreams of grandbabies.
I realized I couldn’t break up with him normally so I just blocked him and moved. We spoke one last time in person where he told me he tried to cheat on me but no one wanted to sleep with him. He was randomly dming other girls and not one responded. I stopped feeling pity for him and disgust at myself. I’m not sure why I allowed it to go on for almost 7 months. Haven’t heard from him since. The next guy I slept with was larger than average, from a wealthy background and nice. I didn’t even realize my body was T until I slept with other people.
I was young and I’m currently paying for the trauma in therapy. When I see the incel discourse it triggers me because farming for sex through pity will just damage the other person. For a while I genuinely hated men and I couldn’t understand why because my subsequent experiences were largely okay. I think my brain blocked it out but confronting that situation is helping me get along with men in my professional and personal life.
Edit: I realize the 8 months sound consecutive. I met that guy in Feb. we went into lock down around March. We were technically still dating but I never responded to his texts. I’m July we met up once and then finally in early September. If we take out all the breaks it was more like a 2 month relationship. In early October I met someone else and my experience with men was not so insane.