Grades Anxiety
since childhood, academic validation has been my only source of comfort.
i started jee prep not because i was interested in it, but because everyone was doing it + i felt it would be wasted potential if i didnt go in that direction.
that was the start of my downfall. i was put in a batch of ppl so much more smarter and better than me, that even though i knew i am above average intelligence in general, it made me feel stupid, and that decreased my efficiency, because once your mind limits itself, and tells you, you cant do it, you stop even trying.
and when i came here, the same thing happened, and because i didnt even try, i got a very low spi in first sem. but then something clicked, and i started to work hard and study, and by 3rd sem my cpi gradually increased to a decent one, something that i was happy with. and this became my only source of validation once again. watching my grades climb was the only moment I felt any real sense of worth. and ik this isnt healthy, but in my mind, my self worth is linked to my grades.
now i just completed my 4th sem, and my exams did not go so good, and the thought that my cpi might decrease than what it is rn is eating me alive. i did quite good according to my standards, like this is literally the best i could perform, no regrets at all, but others have done so much better, and that just makes me feel so worthless. also the fact that im just a loser with no friends and no social life doesnt make it better.
so this is me reaching out and asking how to stop feeling like this and if anybody has any suggestions to finding a genuine sense of purpose and happiness outside of academics.