Trying not to rehome cat
We’ve been trying to integrate two adult cats for several months and are getting emotionally exhausted. Looking for honest advice and input from people who’ve been through this.
Shady (resident cat) is the more confident/instigating cat. Kitty (newer cat) is more defensive/anxious. Early on there was growling, stalking, chasing, and what we now believe was urine marking/spraying around the house (guest bathroom, kids’ rooms, under beds, walls/baseboards). We originally suspected Kitty, but now think both may have marked at different times.
Current setup:
4 litter boxes
Separate “safe rooms” for each cat
Supervised interactions only
Feliway diffuser used with little noticeable effect
Frequent enzymatic cleaning
Using high-value treats to create positive associations
The confusing part:
The cats can now get VERY close together calmly during treat sessions. They can:
eat treats inches apart
lay near each other
coexist in the same room for long stretches
disengage after mild swats
sometimes even appear relaxed/purring
BUT:
Outside of treat-focused moments,
Shady still:
fixates on Kitty
meows constantly at her
slowly stalks/approaches repeatedly
sometimes escalates into swatting/scuffles if allowed to keep pushing
Kitty mostly:
growls lightly
holds ground or hides
rarely initiates conflict
The fights are usually not full-on tornado fights. More like swat exchanges that we interrupt quickly. Afterwards they often calm down again and can still remain in the same room.
Questions:
Does this sound salvageable or are we forcing an incompatible pairing?
Is the treat-based proximity helping long-term or creating a fake/artificial peace?
Has anyone dealt with one cat that becomes hyper-fixated and cannot disengage?
At what point do you consider medication, behaviorists, or rehoming?
Any success stories from situations that looked like this?