I want to apologize for the quality of my english, as it is neither my first or second language.
In the recent weeks and months the struggle between the recognition of the world as absurd and the indomitable moral complex I have, became unberable. Every interaction is like a tug of war between the moraly obliged action and an action defying this "society", nevertheless, I fear this tug is the only thing keeping myself from insanity. I can not go back to the blisfull aceptance as it would be an anction I forbid myself, it would not be honest. My reality is defined too closly but also too vaguely. I get the ultimate feeling to let go of the everything and give myself to a diogenistic style of existance, but I don't think my moral complex would accept any type of non socially accepted type of live. I don't think I can find pleasure through the usual hedonism, as I'v tried that many times.
I know this sounds really corny, but this is reddit and i am a teenager in an crisis so I hope you can forgive me. I don't know if im asking for advice or searching for the next idea to deepen this feeling but I would be gratefull for any comments.