Today is day 31 for me. To be honest, no idea how I’ve made it this far. I feel like I’m not even worthy of being past day 30 now, but I am.
It’s been getting bad recently, like literally every day is a war. I’ve unfortunately peeked at some bad stuff. And I’m literally just relying on pure willpower to not relapse, which I know is very bad.
I just thought as soon as you get to day 30 it turns into easy mode, but I’m starting to question that now. If not day 30, when does it actually get easier? I have started going to the gym more recently and have been working out very hard which I know have been making the urges a lot stronger but like still.
I’ve definitely felt some of the benefits though: increased energy, way more confidence, easier talking to people, not living in fear all the time. Without these I definitely would’ve relapsed already. Pretty much only thing keeping me going is the fact that I really want to keep these benefits as I’ve noticed an improvement in mood and overall life. But when that strong urge comes on, all that goes out the window unfortunately.