I’m 24. I haven’t ever talked about this but after tonight I feel I need to type out my experience and seek help.
I’ve lost about 40k. This last month I have been halfheartedly trying to stop. This is becoming detrimental to my life and future. I feel as if I’m experiencing physical side effects from the anxiety. I’ve become socially withdrawn.
I was doing so good. Payday came and I withheld gambling for 5 days. My biggest trigger comes from boredom mixed with taking my ADHD medication. On my day off, I took my medication and was playing a computer game when suddenly an urge came over me and I couldn’t stop. I told myself I’ll just deposit 250$. That turned into 2,000$ that I couldn’t afford to loose. This same thing has happened each week on repeat for about 6 months. There were multiple days where I completely burned any money I could access including maxing out credit cards.
The thing that really hurt me about today is that I was seriously trying to make an effort not to gamble and failed miserably. Just 3 days ago the thought of gambling made me sick. I don’t know what changed.
Usually I’m loosing. If I do win, I end up loosing it in the same day. In one night I’ll win 2 months of my salary and carelessly blow it. I understand i have no control, I just need to figure out how I can control my lack of self control. With these online casinos it doesn’t feel like real money in the moment. Only after the dust has settled I can realize and calculate my looses.
I’ve lost everything I saved and it kills me inside. I’ve also accumulated a fair amount of debt. Problem is, even tho I feel this now, It’s so easy to forget this pain and go right back to gambling.
I want to be stronger to ensure there won’t be a next time. Any advice would be helpful. Especially if anyone has dealt with it as a side effect from adhd medication.
Thanks.