i feel guilty about feeling sad
I feel kind of guilty or dramatic i guess for being so upset by 9/11. My father was a first responder and was there that day, months, years. He ended up surviving (i was born years after) but my oldest sister was just a few months old at the time it happened. He does suffer 2 ilness today related to 9/11 but they’re manageable and not really life threatening, but he does get compensated for his illnesses. So now knowing that, obviously it’s very sad so automatically yk i have empathy and feel sad when i see things or learn about it, but the reason i get so upset is because growing up i always saw my dad as the bravest guy in the whole world, he used to get full dressed up in his firefighter gear and come to my class to do fire safety and my parents would make me bring in the one photograph we have of him at ground zero and my teacher would show it to our class and we’d you know talk about it, learn about it (this was when i was younger so we didn’t go too much in detail about 9/11). I also had a neighbor for about 3 years, she’s a year younger than me. I was pretty close with her i’d go to her house a lot since we lived next door. I remember once i had dinner with her, her sisters, and her dad. I ended up moving a few blocks away and since im a year older i stopped hanging out with her but if i see her we’re still friendly ofc. But about 6 years ago her father passed away from wtc related illness. Now thats im getting older and learning more about 9/11 i get more curious about what my dad saw and his story. He doesnt talk about it a lot. I remember i asked him recently if he was ever scared and he told me “all the time”, I was honestly surprised he loves his firehouse and calls it his 2nd family. I always viewed him as a fearless superhero growing up. Learning more and more about 9/11 just makes me so sad knowing my dad went though that and seeing all the ways it impacted people in my life. I have the most amazing memories with his firehouse (we go all the time for family parties and we’d actually go on vacation with some of the guys from there!) Looking back as i’m getting older makes me feel a little weird and sad. I have nothing but amazing times i reflect back on. But for them they don’t. For my dad everyday is a reminder of what he went through. For my neighbor everyday she’s reminded what 9/11 took from her. When i look back on those family parties we had i remember people who were here once, no longer anymore, because of that day. The reason i feel kind of guilty is because my dad is ok and i was born so many years after 9/11 happened. I obviously don’t want to make it about me which also why i get kind of weird when it makes me so sad, but seeing my dad get yearly cancer checks, seeing the folder from wtc health program makes me a little bit nervous and worried, and i just feel sad learning about what they went through. Knowing my reality vs my neighbors feels personal because my dad went through the same thing except he’s still here to tell his story. I guess what im asking is it okay for me to be so upset and cry when i learn about it, i know its a silly question but i really do feel a bit weird for being so upset since it happened way before i was born but it’s really personal to my family, my snd all my siblings wouldn’t be here if that day went differently, if he goes for the yearly cancer checks and they find something. I’m post if this is kind of stupid to ask, but if u read all of this please lmk idk why i feel weird for getting so upset.