Rant: Burnt out College Student
This is just a rant about burn out. I go to an Ivy League university and I am finishing out my junior year of undergraduate but I am so burnt out. Last week I was even put on an involuntary psych hold because my mental health was so bad. I don’t even have the desire to take care of myself anyone. I am exhausted trying to take care of myself. Eating, drinking water, studying for finals, washing myself, cleaning, all of it is too much. The most I can do is take care of my emotional support cat. Sometimes he is the only thing I care about. Then I have no desire or drive anymore. I’m not looking forward to the research internship I will be doing this summer, because all I can think of is how difficult it will be to work 40 hours a week. Then I will need to mask and adapt to new social situations, almost 800 miles away from home. I am also incredibly lonely. It is hard for me to make friends, especially here at my university. I cannot handle being lonely at my internship, especially if I do not make any friends. I can’t help but wonder if I am going to be alone and burnt out for the rest of my life. Will I ever get married and have a partner? Will I ever have kids? Will I ever get the career I want? Will it ever be easy for me to make friends? Will I ever be able to be my authentic non-masking self? Sometimes it feels like, if none of these are possible, why do I keep going