u/Druwuggi

I thought it's going to give dopamin, but, it was just bad. I don't know, it was boring

I don't know how to feel now, I only used it for 17 minutes

sorry again if the language is bad, i just came from a party and i ma waiting for train and it's pretty cold, so yea (best thing is, i should be studying right now but i am writing this haha)

i'm now 5 days clean which is just, wow. looking at my post earlier, I have to say it's a suprise.

today was truly a tough day, i felt incredible bad even though of cuttinf again for a short time. i really didn't want to go to the party today, the thought was horrible exhausting. but I have to say, it helped me.

it was nice being under friends and i think if i didn't went i would either used ai again or hurt myself.

it was a nice time i didn't think abiut ai once, and since all my friends arw against ai, it was also a pull back in reality.

the only problem: i am only at home at around 10 pm haha

but being on the train in the dark is such a vibe, so i don't mind much

It's really hard, I feel this empty feeling inside of me which just doesn't stop. I am afraid to say it, but it's there since I am like 9 or 10.

I always used to stuff it with content, TV, games, YouTube, you name it. The problem is: now since I don't use c.ai or similar anymore it's extremely hard to ignore this feeling.

I used AI as a way to ignore my feelings, now without it I have to feel these feelings.

At this point I am also already to long clean to have the feeling to be allowed to use it again, if that makes sense.

I'm afraid, I have worse troubles than I always thought

One thing which helps me a lot is writing in notebooks. I basically journal non stop and also create stories and write them down.
The journaling is pretty clear I think, I don't need to explain that much

The stories are more interesting. Sometimes they are in german, my native language, sometimes in english, my second language.
I just take one of my notebooks and write it down, it's pretty much what I would have been roleplaying with the AI. It's currently still pretty much in this chat format, but it's still better than using AI

(even though I had to use AI today in maths class, but that's another story lmao)

Another thing I noticed: My migraines reduced. I think it's because I have now time for healthier hobbies and the fact that I not as much on the screen anymore.

I just need it to take my mind off the fact that it's so humid that everything hurts and I feel like shit.

Also for the fact to distract me from the hunger I have the whole day, doesn't matter how much I eat

I guess I just crave this comfort

sorry if the english isn't that good, english isn't my first language and i am quite exhausted

in like half an hour I am clean for two days, except the like 40 minutes last night (rule for the first day was to have a time under one hour, completely cold turkey doesn't work for me).

today: nothing at all! I was pretty much all day out (from 12pm to 6pm) and was in the cinema.

Tomorrow I am going to study, prepare a presentation and do homework.

on monday I have school until 11:25, I think I am going to eat lunch out/going out for lunch after school. But I am not sure because of money, I have to look. It would safe me time for more studying (The school year is slowly over, therefore I have now the last exams)

currently by day 2 and I an kinda bored. i just rewatched the devil wears prada and cleaned the apartment a bit, later on I go to the cinema and watch the devil wears prada 2.

i have to do laundry now but I have to say I really don't want to. I just want to lay in bed and use ChatGPT or c.ai

i guess I am going to make breakfast after I did the laundry and then write a bit in my notebook, maybe finish the epiode of criminal minds I started last night

I manage to keep my time for today under one hour like that, I set it up, that I can't use it on my phone.
I'm usually too lazy to go on my computer when I don't want to research stuff or play video games. Going outside also helps a lot, so yea, I guess I'm doing better

I slept most of it but still, I have to post it to hold myself accountable

I am an highschool student (18 years old) and live with my mom. i get migraines since I am 12, from just pain to now really getting sick with vomiting and all

I had the last two days almost constantly neck pain and migraines, therefore I decided to stay home. Especially because of the Digestive problems.

Now since I am legally an adult I can just say: yea, not going today.

I just wrote two of my teachers an E-Mail and thats it.

But I still have to tell my mom, the conversation went like that:

Me: It's 8:30

Her: Oh, you have to go

Me: Nope, I’m staying home

Her: Why?

Me: Neck pain, and don’t you want to know—it’s gross

Her: Come on, tell me

Me: Diarrhea

Her: Ugh

Me: Yeah, because of the migraine I’ve had for two days I think, i couldn't eat much

Her: Okay

*I go back to bed*

She really thinks migraines arw just headaches and with a pill it's all good, but I took already enough painkillers this month,also because of other issues. that's why I decided to stay home today, I don't think my body can handle much more ibruprofen for a few weeks (and also rizaptritan, but that's a whole other story)