u/Drpepperfan40

Figured fuck it I’d give smokedope a shot and I wasn’t really impressed at first but this song hit me like a ton of bricks. This shit reminded me of being 4 deep in a 2009 Toyota sienna stoned as shit and off half a yellow xanax. Weed smoke so thick you can’t even breathe without getting more high; the type you can feel on your skin. Incense was burning to alleviate the smell but you just end up smelling like incense and weed like the shit does not work lmao. Right next to me is some cute girl and being fucked up we can forget that I’m a grotesque monster and talk for a bit. I know I won’t get laid but I like to pretend. I just dropped (got kicked) out of my masters program and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing so I’m back at home. Working a shitty retail gig until I figure it out but it’s temporary right? The sky is pink and purple and the sun is descending and I can hear the 808 turn into a saw wave through busted speakers. I’m only even here because my coworker and I hit it off and he invited me. I think we’re driving idk. 8-9 years later I think one of the dudes I hung out with that day overdosed. He smelled the same incense I did that day when we all had hope for the future that doesn’t really exist anymore. I get why people like smokedope2016 now. 

My public defender already told me to take the plea so that’s what I’m gonna do. Honestly I don’t like alcohol that much I prefer other drugs but it still sucks that I’m not gonna be able to drink if I really want to. whatever beats jail I guess.

Between watching bondage watersport porn when my moms not home and rubbing ointment on his hemorrhoids with the bathroom door wide open, Terry, my step father, somehow took it upon himself to go and buy a vacuum since our old one, the Sebo Automatic X4, broke after years of reliable service. I won’t go into what specifically happened as quite honestly it’s rather painful to recall, but let’s just say a family-wide scuffle of sorts left that already older vacuum (among other appliances) in an unrepairable state. Truly a shame as it was one of the best vacuums I’d ever used: wide base but still easy to maneuver and smooth as butter despite a powerful motorized brush roll. I’ve never had another vacuum work so well on our shag carpet. Plus the detachable hose was just… damn I miss that vacuum. 

Anyways, I got home from work earlier and saw that we’d gotten a new vacuum. I asked where it came from and Terry said he went to get it before he’d returned from work. My interest was initially piqued. I’m the only one in the family who’s really into vacuums, so at first I thought it’d be a good bonding experience or something, especially since we don’t have the best (or really even a good) relationship. That warm, fuzzy feeling turned frigid when I saw the abomination that had been dragged into our home. 

The dirt devil is what it was called. I’m sure you guys have heard of it just as I was vaguely familiar with its existence. This one was clearly a knockoff bissell. It was a flimsy looking thing; the cheapest plastic known to man had to have been used to make it. Bagless, obviously, because what says keeping the house clean other than grime and dust staining clear cheap plastic and it just flying everywhere when it comes time to dump it. Cord is maybe twenty feet long at most, so most of the time spent using the thing will involve finding a new plug that isn’t covered by a 10 ton bookshelf. 

Despite my concerns, I figured I’d give it a shot. Looks can be deceiving, after all. That night after dinner, I took it out to vacuum the carpet in the living room. Even moved the couch to see how the thing would handle under real pressure. Before that though, I had to perform the goldfish test. I grabbed a few from the bag, crushed them and dusted the pieces on the carpet. When I tell you that it picked up, maybe, half of them. After SEVERAL passes. Off to an awful start, but there was still a living room that needed to be vacuumed. I powered through, using this piece of shit over the course of a half hour to do what would have taken five minutes with the Sebo. Even something as simple as tilting the vacuum to move it while turned off was a challenge because dirt would spill out the intake port. And when it came time to empty it, guess what happened? Dirt everywhere. Thank god did it on a hard floor. I mean, what can you even say when you’re more excited to use a fucking broom than an all new machine?

I just can’t wrap my head around it?! An exchange of German engineering meant to last a lifetime for some cheap abomination? Is he retarded like deadass? Should I be asking this in a subreddit in a subreddit about vacuum cleaners or a subreddit about neurological deterioration in older males? Let’s hope the warrantee covers being smashed to pieces with a fucking hammer, because that’s what’s going to happen to this stupid piece of shit probably within the next day or so. Do these fucking people not understand the value of having a tool that works? Does Terry not like clean carpets? Is he OKAY with living in fucking squalor??

I’m sorry this has just been one giant rant against the dirt devil and my step dad. I just don’t know who else I have to speak about this with. My family doesn’t fucking understand. I tried to voice some of my concerns and Terry was like “calm down it’s a fucking vacuum”. Then in the next sentence had the audacity to say that it looks like I didn’t even vacuum. Idiots, all of them.