Questioning myself and ranting
I(17M) have recently started questioning my views on romantic relationship, and I've started wondering if there was any chance I could be on the aromantic spectrum. The reason I make it a post instead of refering to the pinned post is to get some precise opinion and discuss it rather than getting a "good" answer.
For context, here's the things that got me suspicious :
- I feel like the idea of a relationship kinda sicken me ? I don't really know how to put things into word as english is not my first language, but it's like tasting something so overly sweet and heavy that you just refuse to take another bite. This feeling often happen whenever I see friends hanging out with their romantic partner and demonstrating sign of affection, I can't help to feel...weird ?(disgusted would be a strong word, but you get the idea) And I can't help but feel they're "faking it" in some way, just to "do like everyone else".
- I kinda struggle to see where people draws the line between platonic and romantic, and it's already gotten confusing for me in the past. I've already had people showing romantic feelings towards me and while I usually just decline/ignore it I've had two instance where I just wondered if what I was feeling for this person was love and ending up just "gaslighting" myself into thinking it was, and it ended up in one case in a very cringy relationship where I tried to replicate the other person feelings without having them, and a (also) cringy situationship which I just aborted when I realized how uncomfortable it was making me feel.
- I don't really understand how people can fall in love with someone. Like (hear me out please) I don't mean it in a "I prefer 2d" or something but I find it would be easier to feel attraction toward something fictional, a fantasy, a "perfect picture" rather than a complex human being with it's flaws. I've already had a "crush" (emphasis on the "" it's more like a "wow this person is really pretty" kinda thing) but it just disapeared the second I talked to the person. It was no longer a perfect fantasy I could just project on them, but a real person.
- It's more something anecdotic, but I recently learned that a friend of mine had a crush on me and it strongly repulsed me, like in a disgusted kinda way. I thought that having these feelings and not confessing was a betrayal, especially since it was going on for a long time. I felt it like a "perversion" of our friendship in some way since it meant this person was viewing me in a way I don't view them and just pretended to be "friends" while having a hidden interest. I know that's egoistical because it probably was harsh on them too but yea, that's what I felt.
I'd like to add that I know I'm too young to know yet, that I might have just not met the right person, but I don't think there is any harm in asking for opinions.
Anyways thank you a lot for reading all that, and I'm open to any questions to help me figure out the nature of my feelings and discuss it with people (please)