u/DominantGothMommies

I'm a high schooler, and I've been dealing with self harm since I was in elementary school (started around 5th grade) it's mostly limited to cutting myself but it's nearly every single day. Sometimes I just cut myself because I feel like I need to, even if I'm happy and had a perfect day, it's like my knife just speaks to me. No matter what Ive tried I can't get rid of it, Ive tried hobbies like music and other coping mechanisms like writing or drawing or something. I genuinely don't think there has been​​ a single week in all these years that I haven't had fresh cuts. And this year they started getting deeper and worse and I've been going in and out of depression episodes, struggling with suicidal thoughts. Is it possible I just have an addiction to self harm, or am I just a crazy attention seeker? (Note: my girlfriend had hurt herself in the past during the relationship nothing too bad, but I did blame myself for it given the circumstances, and since then I've been pretty much cutting myself everyday and it's been getting really deep and I'm pretty sure I have infected wounds but I'm too scared to tell my parents.) Thoughts? Anything helps.