i’m not quite sure how this app works for i installed it specifically for this issue… me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year and a bit over 4 months and were in a really rough patch right now. he has this tendency to lie for no reason, one time being him telling others that i had pill problems in the past (which is blatantly false). he also struggles with addiction himself and tends to prioritize his comfort being high over my displeasure with him refusing to spend time with me while sober. i’m not sure why i feel negatively about him smoking when i do it myself, but i do. we have had countless arguments in the span of maybe 8 months where they’ve all ended up with me apologizing for simply being hurt and him promising he’d change. lately, im constantly over thinking everything he says and i assume that he’s just lying to me, even though he’s been doing better on the smoking and the lying. i’ve also noticed that for a while now, no matter how much i try to focus, nothing he does really turns me on… this is my first real relationship so im not sure if the two issues are related or not. is this relationship worth pushing through or should i stop while im ahead? lately it hasn’t been as bad and he seems to really be trying this time, but he’s also been saying he’d “try” for months now. i’ve felt so disconnected from him because of the lies and the false promises but when the two of us have a good day it’s really good. though i can’t think of a day where we haven’t fought at least once.
at this point im rambling but i really need help figuring out what to do with this whole situation.
he started actually changing his behavior when i said this to him: “lately when you ask me what’s wrong, i’ve found it hard to tell you. i believe that i’ve started losing feelings because it seems to me like you can’t stop yourself from hurting me or bring yourself to care. i’ve learned things you’ve said about me behind my back that simply aren’t true and that alone is hurtful. i hate feeling this way about you since you were once my whole world. but now? my love for you is becoming a burden on my heart. i don’t know how much more of this i can take. the lying and manipulation are really getting to my head and making it hard for me to want to love you. before now, i loved you every day without a second thought, but now it feels more like a choice. i feel like this pain would go away if you just loved me like you used to. if you ever truly loved me at all. you don’t do anything special for me like other boys do for their girls. you don’t try to connect with me outside of a sexual manner. i feel like a pawn in some game you made up for the fun of it. i want to feel special. i want to feel loved. i want to feel like the only girl in the world. i want to be able to trust you and know that your eyes don’t wander. i want to feel appreciated. i want to feel seen and heard. i want to feel like your lover and not just your girlfriend. you say im not the same girl i was when we first got together, well, that’s because back then, i wasn’t hurt so often without genuine apologies or remorse. i’ve felt used for a long time now and ive tried to reach out for healing and connection but you’ve pushed me away to deal with my pain on my own. i want you to love me when it gets hard, not just when it’s convenient for you. if you don’t think im worth that then i don’t know what to do.” is this a step in the right direction or am i wasting my time?