I’m feeling really stuck and could use some outside perspective.
My mom (45) is really struggling right now. She’s depressed, working two jobs, living paycheck to paycheck, and doesn’t really have any friends or support system.
I live about 12 hours away, my sister (20) still lives at home but is also working two jobs and going to school, and my brother (24) lives there too but doesn’t work, doesn’t go to school, and doesn’t contribute financially. His girlfriend also lives there and doesn’t help either.
My mom constantly vents about being exhausted, broke, and wanting my brother out—but when he actually leaves, she asks him to come back because she worries about him. This cycle has been going on for years. I try to give advice, but she doesn’t follow through. I listen, but it’s always the same problems with no change, and I feel helpless.
On top of that, her house needs a ton of repairs (trees, driveway, siding, appliances, etc.) and she can’t afford any of it. She recently broke up with her long-term boyfriend, and he used to help financially, so now things are even worse.
My sister is doing a lot to help, but honestly it feels unfair that she has to carry so much while also trying to build her own life. I’ve suggested things like selling the house, but my mom won’t consider it.
I’m about to start a PhD, which means I’ll be even farther away and even less able to help financially. I already feel guilty for not being there more. I miss my mom a lot, but lately it feels like she’s so overwhelmed and depressed that she can’t really be there for me emotionally anymore—and that part hurts.
I guess I’m asking:
How do you support a parent like this without burning yourself out?
Is there anything I can realistically do from far away?
How do I deal with the guilt of moving forward with my life while she’s struggling?
Any advice would be really appreciated.