I just needed to share that today I learned from my neurologist that the effects of my withdrawal (resulting in a sticky case of DAWS) are likely permanent at this point.
I've spent 6 yrs 3 months trying to undo that damage. By myself, I add, as nobody could/would help me. I tried. But it's so hard and exhausting when one of my main effects is that I cannot process language as well.
As a bibliophile and a well spoken adult, this has been devastating.
To learn that it's all for nothing, that I'm likely this way forever, has me questioning life.
I hate RLS. I hate sanctimonious doctors who are too proud to learn. I hate our medical system that allows doctors to be truly conscious with no repercussions. Today, I hate each breath. I hate each tear. Today's RLS is halfway up my spine.
A lifetime of this.
RLS was bad enough. But brain damage may be the straw that breaks this camel's back. Not gonna shoot myself, but I'm done trying.
I have nobody to share it with. I'm surrounded by those who want to find a bright side. There is no bright side.
Thanks for listening.
Damn. There is a reason I've believed hope was evil all these years. I let someone convince me otherwise, and BAM! Lesson learned.
I hear you, universe. Hope is not for me.