Sorry this is super long, this is the first time I use reddit.
Hello guys,
I am very confused right now and I hope I will make sense in this text. I am with my husband for 10 years but we are married for a month. I found Grindr installed on his phone, he had it in a separate profile and I couldn't check anything about it. I confronted him about it. He said he installed it years ago and connected one time on it because he was curious and had doubt about himself. He said he wanted to ask other gay men about some questions he had about himself and the only way he knew to get to someone he doesn't know to ask those questions was Grindr. He said he did chat with a guy and it quickly escalated and "gave him the ick" so he closed the app and never went on it again. He said that confirmed to him that he is not attracted to men.
My problem is, he never uninstalled this app from his phone and when I asked to see it he said he used a "short time" mail address to connect and couldn't open the profile anymore. He also said he forgot the password to the profile on his phone on which this app is installed. He said he even forgot he had this app installed, that it was one time and he never used it again and that he never met anyone. I feel like if he had "the ick" he would have uninstalled it, he is very careful with what he has installed on his phone and he has a multiple "wallets" of passwords, so this last part I struggle to believe.
I told him that if he has those thoughts he had to talk about it with me, that I won't judge him, that I understand it must be hard (he comes from a community pretty closed to this subject).
This is probably stupid to read, but I truly love him. I would feel horrible if I trapped him in a marriage and make him miserable because he needs to explore or something. I asked him if he thought about having sex with a man: does it excited him or something and he said that no, never. (So what made him curious about himself?) He refuses to tell me what he asked to this person on Grindr. He refused to go into details which I can understand because it's hard but it makes me doubtful.
Is it possible that his curiosity was just curiousity and that he really understood himself from that ? Is he not being honest with me ? How did you figure it out for yourself that you were gay ? Kind of... What does it mean to be gay ? What could be the sign that yes/no ? What could I do to help him if he really is ? What do I do now ?
I am devastated and confused, and would be incredibly thankful if anyone could give me advice !