Losing my bestfriend
My dog Luna put down roughly 2 months ago, and the grief is overwhelming. I spent days crying following her death, and missed several days of work. I just couldn’t function. I also was inconsolable when I walked the walking path we used to take for the first time without her.
I think about her and miss her everyday. Work kept me busy for a good month and a half. But since work has died done, I find myself thinking about her more and more.
I feel guilty and regret a lot of my behaviour towards her at times. Like running up the stairs and closing my door before she could come in and whine for my food. Not giving her more attention. For us leaving her alone at the house while we all went to work or school. However, the pandemic gave all of us more time to be with her during the day since we worked from home.
I got a tattoo of her in my arm this past Monday to honour her, and I’ve been going through all the pictures I have so I can make an album of her.
I don’t want to keep living without her. I’ve been crying every night without her, especially lately.
She had a beautiful soul and was my absolute best friend.
I am so conflicted with my feelings: On one hand, I feel like I should just let the grief take over since it feels wrong to continue life without her. On other hand, I feel like she supported me and got me to where I am now, and I feel like if’s disrespectful to not keep living.
All I know is that l will never see her or be with her ever again, unless the afterlife is a real thing. I can’t bear it, I hate the thought of that.
I don’t want my memories of her to fade with time. It’s my ultimate fear. She was the love of my life. I’ve never cared that deeply for someone that much. She was my everything.
I have to believe there is an afterlife. It’s the only thing that keeps be going, the thought that one day we will be reunited. Even so, I’m having a hard time thinking of all the years I have ahead of me that I have to endure without her.