Online friend expressing suicidal thoughts—I feel overwhelmed and guilty and need advice
Hi, I need some advice about a situation that’s really really affecting me mentally.
I’ve been talking to someone online for not that long who started making suicidal statements over the past few days, including things like saying goodbye and expressing they wish to spend their last hours talking to me.
The first time it happened I tried really hard to comfort them. I was panicking the whole time. I was scared and didn't know what to do. I begged them to talk to someone in real life, which I’m guessing they didn't do. Every time we talked I made sure they were okay. They lied to me and they are definitely not okay. After trying to give them a reason why they shouldn't commit they said they would “stay for me”. Of course, I didn't believe this… I reported it to the platform and encouraged them multiple times to contact local help, but they often refused or didn’t engage with it.
Today they actually texted me normally at first and we talked a bit. Then they started asking deeper/weird questions about feelings and fear, and we somehow got to the point where they said they are afraid of being alive. After that, they suddenly sent what sounded like another goodbye message. They haven't responded in about 30 minutes since then.
Right now, I feel really overwhelmed, guilty, and scared. I also feel very empty because they were the main person I was talking to, and I’ve kind of become emotionally attached to “trying to help them”. I’m scared about what might happen to them, but I also feel like I’m losing myself in this situation and I’m losing hope in them.
30 minutes is a lot and I can't do anything. I don't know where they live. I tried researching but I couldn't help them any further. I don't want them gone and I have this gnawing feeling in my whole body. I have never lost anyone. I had a really bad panic attack last time this happened. I feel disgusting in a way and I want to vomit. I can't process that they might be gone. I just wanted them to be happy.
I guess I’m asking:
What is the right way to handle this? How do I support someone like this without feeling responsible for them? And how do I cope with the guilt and anxiety I’m feeling now?
Any advice would really help…