I’ve got MS and my body can feel like a prison
Like you, I get tired. I feel slower at times. But have you ever woken up full of hope and vision, you take a step towards your goals and the day’s main mission only to be confronted and hindered with your poor health condition.
It’s never quite the same and it’s hard to explain, but trust me when I say, there are times when I fucking hate being this way.
It’s ok though, I have better moments and “good” moments but unfortunately, there are also times I’m not quite sure what’s happening. The body is incredible; my immune system is just set on attacking. It’s self sabotage at a cellular level, I wish it would just chill and find a way to settle. One day, there may be further advancements in helping this disease. But for now, that hope doesn’t put me at ease.
Sleep is often welcomed but doesn’t last long enough. The day’s heat can’t disappear quickly enough and walking in straight lines is a bit rough.
No, I’m not drunk, I don’t even know what being drunk would feel like. But I get the MS hug, here on my right. A hug, I guess, it does feel tight.
I do go ok though, sitting on a bike. Exercise is important, eat right and take good care, that’s good for everyone but it’s also my burden to bare.
I am new to experience THC. Strangely enough it does a good job of helping me. Who knew? Why didn’t I start this a while back? Turns out nature, once again – has my back.
There is a God above, He is full of love. He knows I needed this, my own refiners fire – but this whole experience has truly made me a liar. How are you they ask? “good thanks and you ?” I reply. Don’t ever play poker with someone with MS, we know how to lie.
I want to get the job done, I’m always looking for ways to have fun, but today I just feel weak and hollow. How much more pain relief do I have to swallow? Today’s another day – I hope I can make it. But please know, if you ask me how I am? My response will often be me faking it.
It’s only 7 days till my next infusion, I’ll be tethered to that drug every 6 months, that’s my reality, I wish it was an illusion. It takes a while for the drugs to work. Eventually it kicks in and there are a few weeks where I’m back to forgetting I even have MS. And then, inevitably it all cycles through again, I’m weaker, foggier, slower, everything gets harder again – here we are– defeated I write this… and I’m a mess. You walk past me at the shops, you’ll never know, but today’s another day living with M S.