u/DiabolicalHope

Just a pointless post because I’m lonely.

Wouldn’t that be a good life?

I’d be a good loaf.🍞

I know he is out there somewhere.

This happens every year, I know.

But it is my least favourite day in the year.

This is because it is the constant reminder that I won’t be ever a mother.

So while I can doge the friends and coworkers who get pregnant and then create their little families, and I can distract or manage that second hand joy and pain, this one day, I can’t escape.

It’s in my reminders, it’s in my calendars, it’s in social media, and of course I need to call my step mum.

It’s not that adoption is not an option, it’s more that I will never carry a child through pregnancy. I will never be pregnant.

It’s that reproductive dysphoria that while it’s not as in your face as others, it’s that simmering background noise. While it can be ignored mostly, it’s things like this day that bring it to light, and highlight how much I am not cis woman I lead others to believe.

I’m sure that many people will have this. This mental, physical and emotional longing for something that we were never allowed to have. Never given a chance to have. Never ever had the option of having.

I don’t mean to diminish womanhood to biological function, but as an infertile woman, it’s a reminder that I won’t ever be fully complete. Not to say that an infertile woman is incomplete, it’s more so that I as a person feel like it is a personal failing on my part.

Even though it isn’t my fault for this cruel world.

Though to wrap this post up, I hope that everyone who has or has had these feelings and emptiness, I hope that they can have the support they need in getting through this day of celebrating mothers.

Just know that you aren’t alone, and that motherhood can be more than just the dysphoria I mentioned. (Well that’s what I’m desperately hanging on to).

So my pizza night will have to wait for another night.

Tried on clothes. Clothes don’t fit. Fml my body is such a weird shape.

Oh well.

At least the food will be nice (I hope).

Honestly, I don’t think id like him very much. I think he’d be a jerk.

Mine is that trans men seeking to actually become men, are more men, than men that are simply born that way.

Because trans men forge themselves into who they want and fight to be considered men, rather than being born into male privilege. It’s that difference of making yourself into something rather than just being given it.

That grit and determination, to take control of their lives and fight for their place in society automatically makes me have more respect for trans men than c*s men.

It’s like those classic novels where you have a prince born in privilege and a peasant that leads a rebellion to then become king. The protagonist is the underdog and the story is the struggle and triumph.

Only those born without privilege will know the true value of that privilege.

Trans men are kings of their own destiny.

Today he literally was my hero.

I was feeling really mucked up in my mood.

And on the spur of the moment I reached out to him.

I was stupidly weird about it too and absolutely awkward.

But he was gentle and kind, keeping the convo moving. He gave me the attention I needed, and we connected on similar interests.

I really hope he does well with his thesis.

But if he reads this; you were my hero for today, you saved me from the darkness of my mind and made things a little bit better <3

You big hairy hunks are appreciated. <3